Saving Chaos
by Nythembra
Summary: He never told Sam or Dean about the other fallen angel, but that's how things had to stay if he wanted to protect her. - The story of Castiel. Written in time with seasons 4-8
1. Chapter I

_Supernatural and Castiel © Kripke, Singer, Gamble_  
><em>Elizabeth Williams © SiriusOutlook<em>

_**Description:**She was just another assignment from Michael. Some nonentity angel to keep an eye on that was always breaking the rules. Rules that, to Castiel, were far too simple for anyone to ever break them. Yet, during his time as her partner she always found a way to cross the line. He never understood her deep affection for humans, but then he never quite figured her out either. The day she fell was when everything changed.  
><em>_When she pulled out her grace and plummeted into her newborn, human body, he thought he'd never forgive himself, and so he chose to watch over her. She had forgotten about him, of course. Forgotten Heaven, just like Anna had, and was living an all too normal, human life. It was when Michael assigned him to raise the Winchester brother from Hell that trouble started. He just hoped he could keep her as his secret._

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><p><strong>Saving Chaos<strong>

_Somewhere there's a stolen halo,_  
><em>I used to watch her wear it well<em>  
><em>Everything would shine wherever she would go<em>  
><em>But looking at her now, you'd never tell...<em>  
><em>~Big and Rich<em>

This isn't my story.

Well, I suppose it's my story. It involves me greatly, but it's not about me only. It would really be "our" story, since I'm the reason for half of it.

Now, the other half of the "our" I'm referring to isn't who you think it is. They are involved, of course, and are an important piece of this history, but the two of them are rather on the sidelines. I made certain of that, for good reason. This isn't about hunting demons, slaying monsters, or stopping the Apocaplypse, though that is all very important indeed. This story is about a girl.

I know what you're thinking. 'A girl, Castiel? Surely not,' but, yes. You wouldn't know of her. That I can promise you. I may be an angel, but I do know a great something about keeping secrets. You probably already knew that. I'm certain you already know a lot of things about me.

However, this is about the things you don't know. The things you never saw, the things you never heard of. This is about me, but more importantly, it's about her...

She never liked the strange looks she got when she told people she heard angels. She was certain that her pastor thought her to be crazy, though she knew he would never speak it. To say you're a radio outlet for Heaven isn't something people believe with ease. The fact that she'd begun to tell others at such a young age made it even harder for anyone to trust her.

She was just a little girl the first day she heard them, and she had run to her mother in wonder and excitement, but the woman simply smiled and told her it was "a beautiful thing to dream of." When she began insisting it over time, her parents became impatient and told her to stop talking about it. When she went to her teachers, they told her she had a wonderful imagination, while the other children simply teased and made fun of her. When humans are so young it's easy to not be taken seriously. She grew up thinking that most of what she heard was simply what others told her; a phase that she would outgrow with age.

Over time, you might say that's what happened. She heard the same answers so much that they eventually became reality. She didn't outgrow the voices, that wouldn't be possible, but over time a wall was built. After years of being told it was all in her head, she had begun to fear she was truly insane when they didn't go away, so she blocked them out herself. Sometimes the echos from the past are too loud to run from. That's the price of falling, I suppose. It's the one reason I was too afraid to ever do it myself.

By the time she was thirteen, she couldn't hear the angels anymore. Years went by, and though she grew in every way a child could, she always stayed the same to everyone around her. Strange, awkward, a social outcast. Always seated in the back of class with her nose in a book or scribbling away in her notepad. The other children often took it from her and would normally try to read it or hide it somewhere. Her glasses broke twice because at times they shoved her down too hard.

As she grew older everyone eventually seemed to leave her alone. She was still picked on every now and again, but she learned to laugh it off and not let the words harm her. In high school she found her friends. Real people that shared her pain and were truly there for her, but after their graduation they all went their separate ways. A couple of them stayed in touch in small ways, but otherwise, they drifted.

She moved out of her family's flat when she turned nineteen and moved into a place of her own. It was small and rested above a bookstore in a quiet neighborhood in south London. The only person to bother her was her cat. A small, round, dark-furred creature that stayed at her heels and often tripped her, making her spill her tea. I liked that cat. He gazed me down with wide, yellow eyes when I came to watch over her, and she would always ask him what he was staring at.

_Dean Winchester is saved..._

The day the voices came again was a difficult one. I was on the other side of the world at the time, but I could still hear her prayers. She was panicking, and I knew why they had returned to her. The Apocalypse was nye, and her walls were to weak to keep out the building energy erupting so violently around us all. Part of me found it ironic. So few people knew anything about Armageddon unless they were directly involved. Now that terror was coming down upon a simple English girl who'd never known anything outside of her home city.

After first appearing to Dean, I left him alone with Bobby Singer and made my way to her home. Her apartment was dark, save for a small lamp beside her couch. A book lay open, facedown on the floor. I didn't see her anywhere, nor her cat, but a soft speaking led me to her kitchen.

She sat on the floor, leaning against the dark wooden cabinets, a dark ball of fur tucked tightly under her arms. Her eyes were closed behind her horn-rimmed glasses, and her long, mousy-brown hair hung messily in her face.

"No," she whimpered quietly into the ball of fur. "No, you're not real. Go away."

She repeated the words over and over, gently rocking back and forth. I stayed hidden from her as I knelt beside her small form, moving in close to her to sit. I placed a hand on her arm, and her quiet crying ceased. At that moment, the black cat nestled in her arms raised it's head and turned to me. A growling noise emitted from it's throat that I understood as purring. She squeezed the animal and pulled it closer to her face.

"Don't be afraid," I said to her quietly. "You have nothing to fear."

She froze at my voice, breathing and all. If I didn't know better, I may have thought she'd died, but a second later she collapsed into a silent sobbing that shook her body. I put my free hand on her other arm, and focussed. "You have nothing to fear," I said again. "I promise."

Her crying continued, but I felt her resign into a feeling of security. She sat there the rest of the night, and I sat beside her.

As days went by, she seemed to grow accustomed to her abilities again. Every now and then I'd visit only to find her stopping in the middle of an activity to stare into space, and I knew she wasn't just hearing, but listening. There were many times when I knew she sensed me there. She'd look up from her reading or sketching to gaze around her flat with a searching look on her face, only to stop and stare near where I stood.

At times, I'd sit next to her and look over her shoulder at what she was drawing or to read whatever book she had. Most of her sketches were of strange animals only she knew, or visions of fantasy from the stories she read, though every now and then she'd draw scenes of humans with large, beautifully feathered wings.

I found the reasoning to appear to her a particular time when her anxiety had reached a peak. As she exited her house to begin work at the cafe near her home, I appeared near a crosswalk and stood waiting to cross as she passed me. Just before she rounded the corner, she stopped and turned in my direction. I looked her way only to lock eyes with her questioning, brown ones. There was a moment of confusion in her pale face as she stared at me, her lips parted slightly. I kept my face blank as I held her gaze and dipped my head to her. After a few more moments, she nodded slightly before turning hurriedly away from me to round the corner, glancing back only once.

When the Winchesters found the past angel, Anna, something in me shifted. I remembered her, though I hadn't pursued her after her falling. Her disobedience had left me chagrinned. Yet, when our orders came through to eliminate her, I found myself conflicted. We had history, and that meant something to me. I didn't wish to be the destruction of someone I still considered a friend to me. It was then that I materialized to her again, only this time, not inconspicuously.

She was making tea as I appeared in her kitchen, and the moment she turned to see me, her cup hit the ground with a crash, sending hot liquid spilling onto herself and the floor. She fearfully backed into the countertop with a yell, and the cat leaped with a hiss from her shoulder to the top of the refrigerator, turning to and stare at me in surprise.

"It's you," she gasped staring at me with fear from over her glasses, "Who are you?"

"Don't be afraid," I said solemnly. "I'm not here to harm you."

At my voice, her face fell from fear and into an astonished seriousness, and her stiff body nearly went limp. She sat up straight from leaning back over the countertop and blinked numerous times, her eyes narrowed.

"Castiel?" Her voice came as a harsh whisper as she spoke my name. "The angel, Castiel?"

"Yes," I said evenly, glancing at the black cat that had now settled on top of the refrigerator, curling it's paws under it's chest. It blinked once and continued to stare. "You know of me."

She relaxed a bit more and nodded, still slightly wide eyed. "I remember your voice. They talk about you a lot." She brushed her hand over her face shakily, moving the stray hairs from her eyes. "You're the one who's been staying with me. Aren't you?"

I nodded again. "Yes."

She shifted and turned away from me slightly, looking down at the floor to hide her face. "I saw you a few weeks ago on the street," she spoke shakily. "Why are you here? Why showing yourself to me? Why can I hear them again?" Her questions came quickly, and she looked up, not giving me a chance to answer. "Is it all really ending?"

I didn't speak, but stepped forward, stopping for a second when she nervously leaned backwards over the counter again. When she relaxed again, I stepped closer and reached for her hand gripping the countertop. I heard her breath catch in her throat as I took her fingers in my own, looking curiously at the red mark on her knuckles that had arisen from the spilled tea. She watched in shock as I ran my thumb over it, making the burn disappear.

Gingerly, she pulled her hand from mine and looked at it in wonder before she raised her eyes. "Thank you."

I nodded and gazed back into her dark brown globes. "I'm here to help you. I promise I'll answer all of your questions."

Minutes later she was seated on her sofa, her legs pulled up underneath her, large pillow held defensively in her arms. Her cat leaped onto the arm of the old piece of furniture, and settled beside her. I stood by the window, looking out of it at the rain that had begun to fall, and glanced around the flat at the dancing shadows when a bolt of lightning struck.

I felt her watching my back from across the room and turned around. "Are you ready?"

She nodded nervously, but stopped after a minute, looking around. "Could you sit? You're making me nervous standing there."

I didn't quite understand how my standing made her anxious, but I quietly obliged. After a moments consideration, I took a seat on the sofa beside her. She looked at me from the corner of her eyes, tensely picking at her fingernails. I gazed at her for a moment before reaching over to rest my hand over hers. Instantly, she became less tense and her fingers relaxed. I moved my hand from hers once again and she sat nodding for a second.

"It really is happening, isn't it? The end of the world?"

I nodded quietly. "Yes, it is."

Taking in a deep breath, she closed her eyes for a moment and seemed to squeeze her pillow tighter. "That's why I'm hearing them again, isn't it? I haven't heard them in so long, I actually believed that they were really just my imagination." She trailed off for a moment, staring off into space. "I've been able to pick up on certain things they talk about. There's a lot about you and some boys from America."

"Please," I spoke gently, "Allow me to explain everything."

For the next hour she sat hugging her pillow as she listened to me speak, the cat sitting beside her cleaning its fur. As she began to unwind, I stood a walked around the room a bit, looking about her apartment at the odd little nicknacks on her shelves. She watched me closely and listened intently as I told her of Sam and Dean, myself and my partner, Uriel, our mission to stop the Apocalypse, and of Anna. He demeanor changed numerous times throughout. She seemed to fear me slightly at my mention of our orders. At mentions of Sam and Dean she seemed to relax and would often nod in understanding. When I mentioned Anna, her whole body went stiff.

"We've been ordered to eliminate her due to her possibility of endangering the mission, and her former disobedience," I spoke while scratching at a spot of peeling paint on her windowsill and glanced continuously out the window at the pouring rain. "It's not something I wish to do, but it must be done. She's a danger to the balance." I turned to her slowly and watched as she gazed at me anxiously. "I don't wish the same for you."

She pulled her legs in more and hugged the pillow tighter, her eyes narrowing in thought. "But I don't remember anything. If what you're saying is true, then why can't I remember being an angel?"

"It's what happens when you fall," I explained. "You separate from your grace and your essence takes the place of a human soul. You are born, live, and die as a human, and whatever memories you have of Heaven are closed out by your human mind."

"Then what about Anna? How did she remember?"

I sighed and picked at the peeling paint on the windowsill again. "Sam and Dean had her hypnotized. The procedure brought forth her angelic memories. When that happened, she became dangerous."

At this, she took her glasses off and rubbed her face, shaking her head in disbelief. "This is all so unbelievable. Why does it have to be me when I just want to be left alone."

"You can be," I said, turning around again. "That's why I'm here. I want to give you a choice. Whether you stay human or not, you will always have the voices inside you, but you can be left alone as long as you stay out of the way. Otherwise, if you choose to return to Heaven, you may be putting yourself at risk."

She shook her head again and put her glasses back on. "How the bloody hell could I just return to Heaven? Like all I have to do is snap my fingers?"

I tilted my head at her in confusion. "No, you'd have to do much more than that. You'd have to find your grace first. That could take ages."

Something like a growl escaped her throat and she flopped backwards into the couch. The cat shifted to look at her for a moment before it continued cleaning his paws. "That was rhetorical," she mumbled aggressively into the pillow. "I don't want to deal with this. All I ever wanted was to be normal! Instead I have to hear voices my whole life and be shunned by everyone, and then later find out I'm some sort of a fallen, celestial entity!"

"You didn't fall out of spite," I offered. "You never wished to cause trouble. You were simply unhappy with the way things had to be. You were very empathetic to humans."

She looked up at me with a grave emotion in her eyes, her eyebrows knitted together in uncertainty. "How do you know all this? Why are you the one that's come to me?"

I lowered my eyes and put my hands in my trench coat, feeling awkward. After a moments hesitation I spoke again. "I've been watching you for a very long time. I've been protecting you at my own will."

She gaze at me, her face still riddled with confusion. "Why," she asked again.

Glancing around the room once more, I cleared my throat. "We were close during your time in Heaven. You were one of the greatest allies anyone could ask for. It saddened me when you fell, Aristel."

"My name is Elizabeth." Her voice was harsh, and turned to look out at the rain again.

"My apologies," I replied evenly, and cleared my throat again. "I feel that you are choosing to stay as you are. Is that right, Elizabeth?"

Shifting on the sofa she stared down at the floor in front of her. She stayed that way for a long time, staring at the floorboards and gingerly picking at her fingernails again. I waited patiently, gazing out at the rain, looking into the windowpane to watch her reflection every now and again.

"I just want to be normal," she finally said quietly. "I don't want to get in anyone's way."

I suddenly ached for her. My mind went back in time to her human childhood. Every day of sitting behind her in the empty seat at the back of her classroom, watching her as she drew in her diary or snuck her own books behind her textbooks so she wouldn't get caught reading them. Of walking beside her as she made her way home through the rain after school. The days of watching from the end of the hall as she moved through her high school, quietly keeping her distance from the people around her. The name calling, the shoving, the loneliness.

Then I went back farther. I went back decades.

"_I don't understand," she sighed to me as we sat at a park bench together, watching as the different people went by and their children ran about on the playground. "Why must we let things just happen the way they do, when we have the power to stop it?" _

"_It's just the way things have to be," I replied with a shrug. "I don't question our father when I know he understands more than we." _

_She slumped against the bench and folded her arms across her chest. "Sometimes it doesn't feel right. There's so much we could do to help them, and I feel like we do so little in comparison."_

"_How do you mean?" I asked tilting my head at her and pushing my glasses up my nose._

_She opened her mouth to speak again, yet before she could answer, there was a cry from across the park. I looked over to see a small boy who'd fallen from a swing set, then glanced back to Aristel only to find her seat empty. She had already moved to the boy's side and kneeled down to him. To my surprise, the boy looked up at her as he hugged his knee which was now bleeding lightly down his leg. I watched curiously. We normally weren't supposed to let ourselves be seen. _

_Aristel gently tugged at the boy's leg and smiled at him graciously. The child ceased his crying almost instantly and watched her in wonder. A small knot formed in my chest as she gently placed a finger near his injury and it vanished without a trace. The boy stared at her in shock, a small smile spreading across his face. She smiled at him in return and placed a finger to her lips before standing and walking back over to me, hands in her trench coat. _

_Standing, I adjusted my fedora and stuffed my own hands in my jacket pockets with a glare in her direction. _

"_Are you going to tell me I shouldn't have done that?" She asked easily as she walked up, her heels clicking on the sidewalk._

"_He would have been fine on his own," I replied pushing my glasses up my nose and turning to walk to the street. _

_She followed me, staying close by my side. "I know. Though sometimes I just want to help more than hover around."_

"_Is that what you meant by 'we do so little?'"_

"_I suppose, but on a larger scale as well. You know there is much we could do to help that we don't, Castiel." She nudged me gently in the arm and my hat fell down over my eyes. I adjusted it impatiently and pushed my glasses up my nose again, a small habit my vessel had never broken._

"_There is a natural order to things. You know that." I looked around at the street lamps that were slowly being draped in fog as the sun sank lower in the sky. "If we interfere too much things wont turn out the way they should. We can only help in small ways."_

_She ran a hand through her red, bobbed hair. "I don't think it should always be that way. Such horrible things happen to such good people."_

_I stopped and grinned at her sympathetically. "If we do things right, it will seem as though we've done nothing at all. That's how it has to be, otherwise they won't live for themselves."_

_She nodded and slowly moved past me, looking back at me over her shoulder. "Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair."_

The memory drifted and I returned to the present, gazing at her reflection in the window. _You've always been different, _I thought morosely. _You were created that way._

Turning back around, I leaned against the windowsill and peered at her evenly. "If you wish to stay as you are, it's alright."

There were tears brimming in her eyes. She tossed the pillow aside and in its place, pulled the cat from his spot on the sofa, who looked about in confusion for a moment before settling into her lap. She stroked his head and gazed out the window behind me before looking up into my eyes.

"The voices wont go away?"

I shook my head. "Possibly over a greater time, but for the moment, they will stay with you."

She nodded and looked down at the floor again. When she spoke again, her voice was shaky. "I've never wanted to get in anyone's way. I never wanted to cause trouble or inconvenience anyone. If I fell, then I can only assume I did it because I thought it was for the better for everyone. I think I should stay this way. It seems to be the only answer that makes sense."

I felt a small wave of relief come through me at her words, though they stung in ways that somehow made me feel regret. "I'm glad you feel that way," I said quietly. "I felt it would be best to let you decide on your own on case any trouble were to come your way."

She nodded again and grinned up at me sorrowfully, yet with a glimmer of gratefulness in her face. "Thank you for coming to me when you did and for telling me. I'm not sure what I would have done if you hadn't. I wasn't sure if I was going crazy or not anymore. Thank you, Castiel."

"I can assure you you're not crazy," I said standing up straight, "but you're welcome. Though now that you've made this decision there is something I need to do."

"What is it?" She seemed afraid at my comment, and looked me up and down with nervousness.

"Don't be afraid," I said moving over to her. "I need you to relax."

"What are you going do?" She held the cat tightly.

"I'm going to mark you with something that will keep you concealed. Now that you've chosen to stay here this way, you need to stay hidden from certain angels. They may find you dangerous, and if so, I need to keep you safe."

Elizabeth shifted in her seat, "Why would they find me dangerous?"

"They may not," I said gently. "You never disobeyed, but the fact that you fell still may make you a target of concern for them. You know of the trouble on Earth right now. I want to keep you safe from anything that may happen." She gazed up at me anxiously and clenched her jaw. "Trust me," I asked her quietly.

There was a moment of doubt in her eyes as she peered at me from the sofa, but it vanished and she took in a deep breath and nodded solemnly. "Alright."

I dipped my head at her and moved forward. She let go of the cat who jumped from her arms as I approached. "Just relax," I said, reaching up to put a hand to the side of her temple. "I'll make this as easy as possible." As I touched her, her eyes fluttered and I reached out to hold her shoulder and easily lay her back on the sofa. She let out a sigh as her head touched the pillow, and her body relaxed fully as she lost consciousness.

I looked carefully at her face, making sure she was truly asleep before I placed my fingers on her ribs and focussed, burning the Enochian symbols into the bone. Elizabeth stirred for a second, whimpering in her sleep from the pain, but my touch kept her under until I was finished a second later.

Lifting my fingers from her, I sat on the edge of the sofa next to her. There was a mew from the bookshelf and I looked up to see the cat perched questioningly above my head. He mewed again and looked from me to the girl on the couch, yellow eyes wide.

"Don't worry, she'll be alright."

The cat tucked it's paws under it's chest and looked lazily around the room.

I turned back to Elizabeth and reached out to touch her temple once again. She stirred for a moment before her eyes fluttered open and she squinted up at me with a groan. "What happened?"

"It's done," I answered. "You're well hidden now. If any angels come looking for you, they wont be able to find you."

She moved to sit up and leaned against the arm of the sofa with a heavy breath. "My chest hurts."

"The pain will go away shortly," I stood and reached up to the bookshelf scratch the cat on the ears. "I should go, I've spent too much time here."

"Will you be back?"

Her question surprised me and I looked down into her concerned face as she gazed up at me timidly. Reading her fear was easy enough, but her thoughts and reasoning behind it were clouded. I spoke reassuringly and dipped my head. "If you wish for me to return, then I will."

A bit of relief seemed to wash over her and she managed a small smile. "Please do," she whispered shakily.

I left her home then. There was work to be done.

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><p><em>To be continued. Thank you for reading. Please review!<em>


	2. Chapter II

_I hate writing my way through the "Supernatural" events, but I feel like I shouldn't avoid it.  
><em>_Fun fact: Aristel's name was inspired by Eris, the Goddess of Chaos. _

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><p><em>I was your anger and you were my fear<br>__Now that it's over, of course it's so clear,  
><em>_I was no angel and you were no sin,  
><em>_Yet, somehow I can't let it go…  
><em>_ ~The Goo Goo Dolls_

Thus the fighting ensued, and the demons came still, each more powerful than the last. If not for Dean, I admit it would have been my end from Alistair, and my connection with the eldest Winchester grew ever stronger. Sam, however, slipped increasingly into transgression, and his need for demon blood corrupted his judgement. Yet, with Uriel's betrayal came Anna's redemption to me, and eventually my own retribution. I was taken from my vessel and disciplined for my taking risks that Heaven could not afford.

When Sam and Dean found Jimmy Novak alone, I knew there would be trouble. They were my friends, and never had I come across such loyalty in all my years. Yet, with my punishment came the realization of my mission. I was returned to take my vessel once again, and forced to tell the two brothers of my discernment, though they didn't understand. Though, Dean, so intent on keeping his brother safe, eventually gave himself up to the Heaven's will and agreed to help me within reason. Sam was too far gone and so intent on stopping Lilith that he couldn't see the truth before him, though he felt justified through his affection for his brother.

Through it all, it was rare that I could sit with Elizabeth, but I still found the time. I always stayed hidden, usually taking my place by the window. She seemed slightly more adjusted each time I came to her and she stuck with her usual activities of reading, drawing, and sometimes painting. She often played music, probably to help her deal with the voices that never often stopped whispering through her. The songs were sorrowful, soft, like those of a lullaby. I sometimes wondered why she chose to listen to such melancholy music, but I knew the feelings they stirred inside her were only ones she could understand.

One day I came to her only to find her standing in the corner right next to my window, an easel set up beside it. I watched over her shoulder in fascination as she sketched out a figure silhouetted in light with a pair of beautiful, brown-feathered wings. She painted it over in a matter of hours, creating a rugged looking man with tousled brown hair and wearing a long, tan coat. I recognized it as my vessel.

With the breaking of the 66th seal, I found that I was torn again. Though I'd had Anna removed and imprisoned back in Heaven, her words of free thinking still rang in my ears. What's more, so did those of Aristel. When Dean was detained by Zachariah, his pleas for my help were genuine, and it was hard for me to not see his reason. The Apocalypse was meant to happen. It had been written thousands of years before this excitement. Yet, his words and loyalty tugged at me in ways I'd never comprehended, and finally, I gave in to his request.

To stain the words of a prophet is a curse upon whoever dares it. I was never a match for an archangel, and Raphael shows no mercy. I knew Dean was willing to die for his cause. To die for Sam. To die for me. It was only right of me to do the same.

My resurrection left me shaken, but opposed to what Uriel had been so certain of, and what Anna had theorized. I saw the fear in Zachariah's eyes as I appeared before him and took the lives of two of my brothers, and the wonder in his face when I told him the truth of my revival. Our father had not abandoned us, and while the Winchesters found my vocation unstable, I knew it was our last hope.

Taking Dean's necklace felt odd, and he was extremely hesitant to give it to me, yet an amulet such as his was rare to come by. Not all amulets burn hot in the presence of God. My search began.

Elizabeth's prayers rang purely in my mind and I still sat with her, often when I needed to find peace. Having been cut off from Heaven, I found it hard to clear my mind anywhere else but in her presence. Days went by for her as normally as they always had, the only difference being she knew now what was always a part of her. Perhaps that was enough to change her whole world, but she only let it happen on the inside.

The day she spoke to me without my presence being known to her was the day that everything changed.

My quest to find my father was going uneventfully, and mine and Dean's scrape with my brother, Raphael had left me slightly shaken. While I didn't believe that Lucifer had raised me from the dead as he'd suggested, I was still fearful of the archangel himself.

I came to Elizabeth's home for a breath of tranquility as she was walking in her front door, keys jingling. Her cat jumped down from the top of her bookshelf and landed heavily on her shoulder. She shifted awkwardly from it and tossed her satchel onto the rocking chair beside the door before moving into the kitchen.

I stayed by the window, watching her quietly, but it was only for a matter of moments. She went to the sink and ran the tap into a small glass and downed the water in a couple of gulps. She turned back around and leaned against the counter for a second or two, staring idly at the kitchen floor. The cat leaped onto the countertop and rubbed against her shoulder.

"I know you're here, Castiel."

I hesitated and blinked in surprise. Many people could tell when angels were present, and it was often that those who could spoke to us during our visits. This was different. No one had ever known directly of my presence.

"You can come out," her voice rang out again, "hiding is silly." She took off her glasses and wiped them on her shirt. I appeared before her in the kitchen.

Elizabeth put her glasses back on and looked at me in something like embarrassment, her eyes shifting. I tilted my head at her, eyes narrowed in interest as I spoke. "You could sense me again."

"It's kinda of odd," she said with a frown and a small shrug. "I wasn't certain at first, but it seems like the few times you've shown yourself to me, I've gotten to know what it feels like to have you near me." She looked down. "I probably should have told you earlier."

"It's alright," I replied, still scrutinizing her face with interest. She looked away from me again, her eyes still shifting about.

"Why are you here anyway?"

I blinked in bewilderment. "I'm here to watch over you."

She grinned. A hapless twitch of her mouth that lasted not longer than a second. "If I didn't know better, I'd think that's all you angels did."

"It is, in a way," I replied stoically.

She grinned again, a bit longer this time, and nodded slightly before she dropped her eyes once more. I tilted my head at her again, watching her expressions.

Her head came up suddenly and she stucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Would you like any tea," she asked, her voice cracking a bit. Perhaps it was to break the tension she felt.

Not wanting to dismay her, I nodded and she immediately turned around to grab a cup from the cabinet. I moved out to her living room and looked around at the nicknacks on her shelves again, and the few new drawings placed around the room. My eyes landed on a detailed sketch sitting on her coffee table. It was drawn in lead, save for Jimmy's eyes which were colored a bright blue. I stood over the table and peered down at the drawing, unsure of what to think of it.

Picking up the book, I flipped through a some of the pages and gazed at her work. Some of the pictures were rough sketches of her cat, others were detailed work of creatures such as dragons and other beasts from mythology. I came across two more of my vessel. One, I sat crossed legged on the floor, large feathered wings open behind me. Her cat sat contentedly in my lap. The other was a full body drawing of just my vessel. No wings this time, but in my hand was a silver longsword emblazoned with lightning. I gazed at it, tilting my head in interest.

"I can't seem to stop drawing you lately," Elizabeth said from the living room door. "You just stick out in my mind really clearly while everything else seems fuzzy."

I looked up from the sketch and gazed at her evenly. "You have talent."

She ran a hand through her mousy brown hair and pulled it out to look at the ends of it over her glasses. "At least some people seem to think so. Drawing does rake in a bit more money. Helps me pay off college funds."

Glancing back down at the sketch I noted something. "Why is my face bleeding?"

Elizabeth looked up from the ends of her hair and swallowed a bit. "I don't know. I guess it just came to me like that. Warrior of God that you are, I assumed you'd battled more than once…"

She trailed off at a whistling noise from the kitchen and hurriedly disappeared back through the doorway. I waited for a moment before moving through it myself.

"Honey or anything?" She asked hesitantly taking a brass kettle off of the stove.

Moving over to a stool near the counter where she stood, I watched her pour the tea into the cup and thought, slightly taken off guard. "I'm not sure."

She stopped for a moment and looked at me strangely from the corner of her eyes. "You're not sure?"

"I've never had tea before," I replied. Taking a seat, I folded my hands in my lap and watched her own pour the tea with interest.

She stared at me in surprise for a moment before blinking and looking back to the kettle which she set on a cold burner. "Never had tea before," she mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief. "What do you angels use to relax in Heaven?"

Reaching above her, she pulled out a small jar of golden liquid and a spoon. Removing the lid on the jar she scooped the honey into the cup and stirred it for a few moments. I watched as it dissolved into the steaming water.

Elizabeth turned and held out the cup. "Use both," she said with a serious face, and then warned, "It's hot.'"

I reached for the mug and took it with both hands as instructed. I waited a moment, holding it in my lap and feeling the warmth move through my fingers and palms, making them tingle. Taking a drink, I narrowed my eyes at the heat of the water on my lips. It tasted sweet, and warmed my throat as it went down. The different sensations sent an odd feeling through me, and I felt a small smile tug at my mouth as I gazed down into the cup.

"I like this."

Elizabeth smiled at me over her glasses as she stirred the contents of her own mug. "I'm glad. There's plenty more if you'd like any." She took a sip and her face lit up, bringing a much needed color to her cheeks. "Most people like cream in theirs, but I think it takes away the flavor."

I took another gulp and grinned. I realized that I found myself oddly relaxed and leaned back against the countertop. I felt that Elizabeth had her eyes on me and I looked up into her face. "Thank you."

She shrugged and nodded sheepishly. "I'm actually really glad you're here."

I looked at her questioningly and set my mug on the counter beside me. "There's something you want to talk about?"

The girl hesitated, peering into space for a moment. She opened her mouth slightly as if to say something, but there was another moment before she spoke. "I've been hearing a lot about you. From them."

I tilted my head in interest, squinting slightly with worry. "Like what?"

"Things about you and the Winchester boys mostly."

"Bad things." It came out as a statement. I didn't have to ask.

She nodded, looking down into her cup. "They're very angry."

I glanced around the kitchen floor and nodded slowly, clearing my throat. "I know."

"What's going on?" She slid down the cabinets to the floor where she sat and stretched her legs out, leaning her head back against the wooden doors. She looked up to my eyes over her horn rims and ran a hand through her brown hair. "You can tell me... I think."

I focussed my eyes to look at her. She grinned her hapless, one-second grin and stared back with her brown eyes pleading. I sighed heavily and shook my head in dejection. "You can't. I don't want anything to happen to you. There are already too many people in danger simply from helping." I thought of those people and my sorrow moved up through my chest.

"I know that," Elizabeth replied evenly. "I don't want to make things worse for you. I just meant I'll help any way I can. Whether it's just you, or the whole picture." She reached out and tugged lightly on the tail of my overcoat, and smiled a bit. "Y'know, let me be here for you, like you are for me."

I tilted my head at her words and peered into her face, reading her expression. Her eyes were serious, her eyebrows furrowed with genuine concern, and a small sympathetic grin tugged at the side of her mouth. A long piece of her hair fell into her eyes and she blew it out of the way. I blinked in understanding. "You wish to ease my stress."

She looked a bit surprised at my comment before she blinked as well, her eyebrows risen. "Well, yes. In any way I can. I mean," she pushed herself up straight to sit cross legged on the floor, "don't get the wrong idea or anything. I'm not interested in anything supernatural." She took another gulp of her tea and looked away from me, her eyes wide, eyebrows creased.

I didn't quite understand what she meant, but I chose not to push. "I don't want you to do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with," I stated simply. "I know I can be rather intimidating."

Her reaction to this was to turn bright red and splutter into her cup. Convulsing with coughs, she set the mug on the floor beside her and pulled off her glasses. Shifting her position a bit to hug her knees and cover her face in her arms she began coughing even more. Surprised, I reached out and touched her forehead with two fingers and she instantly relaxed, her fit stopping a few moments later, and she let out a loud sigh keeping her face hidden in her arms.

I blinked a few times with mild worry as I waited for her to contain herself. "Elizabeth?"

"I'm okay," she said into the sleeve of her sweater. "I'm fine. Thank you." She sat up then, and gazed at me shamefacedly from under her hair before reaching up to move it out of the way once again. "Sorry."

"It's alright." I stood up then and offered her a hand. She placed her fingers in mine before looking up at me with her eyebrows knitted.

"You're leaving already?"

I pulled her up and she fidgeted with her sweater, straightening it and smoothing the soft fabric. "Yes," I replied calmy. "I need to keep searching."

"Will you be alright?"

I nodded once to her reassuringly. "Nothing will happen that I can't handle."

She grinned her second-long grin and pushed her glasses up her nose. "As long as you're sure. You'll come back again, right?"

"If you wish me to, then I will. I have to go. Thank you for the tea, and for offering to help me, Elizabeth." I turned from her, but she caught my hand and I glanced back around.

"Do me a favor before you go," she remarked. "Start calling me Ellie, it's what my friends call me. Only my mum calls me by my full name, and that's only when I'm in trouble with her."

I nodded acceptingly. "I'll see you again, Ellie."

"See you soon, Castiel."

My quest for my father still continued to prove hopeless, though I couldn't give in to such despair. I believed too heavily that we had not been abandoned after my scrape with destruction. Sam and Dean still called for me now and again, though mostly they seemed to handle things well on their own. Dean prayed rather often, though I knew he'd argue and deny it if I ever mentioned it. There were times when he spoke to God, the other angels, and even to me. There were times when I would listen to him speak for hours, and feel the war within him tearing away. I couldn't imagine the things he'd been through and what those trials had done to him.

Sam prayed every now and again also. Short prayers with deep meaning that made me feel sympathy for him. The younger brother had his own inner battles to fight as well, though at times he didn't seem to realize it. I had such strong hopes for the two of them, and though they were oblivious, their little known faith pushed me forward.

Bobby Singer prayed as well, though most of them were angry rants that were often directed at me. I couldn't blame him, though I did hope that he'd find a way to fight off his growing anxiety. I was pained that my power had slackened so greatly, and somehow I was able to relate to Bobby because of it. There was a part of me that felt useless and handicapped while not being able to heal. It must be painstaking to not be able to walk.

Jimmy Novak had a habit before I'd come to him. A small, unnoticeable mannerism that he did when he was normally alone or in thought, similar to caressing the satin interior of his coat pocket, or pulling at his shirt collar when he was reading. He did it most often at night when there was nothing to keep his mind at ease, and while I had the capability to, I found myself not wanting to break it.

His wedding band was a thin circle of stainless steel and gold edges, with nothing but six numbers engraved on the inside, signifying his anniversary with his wife of fourteen years. It was quite beautiful, simple as it was, and though Jimmy never wore it during the day for fear of losing it, when he slipped it on at night he couldn't help but feel whole.

Insomnia had been a problem for him since he was young and he often fell asleep in his recliner with the television on. Some nights he'd sit outside on his porch steps and listen to the crickets until he felt tired enough to sleep. Absentmindedly, he'd continuously turn his wedding band on his ring finger with his thumb. His mind was often on his wife and daughter during those nights, and while they didn't have the perfect family, they were still happy after all that time. Their happiest memories still stuck out in his mind and during times when my own was at peace, they would surface, and I would always find myself turning the ring on my hand. I never minded stopping it. Somehow it felt right.

I sat now over Florence, Italy, the rooftop of Duomo Cathedral serving an excellent view. Dusk had already settled in, and the sky was now a deep red, fading leisurely into a dark purple. I rested my wrists on my knees, as I sat on the dome roof of the church, spinning the ring. My mind was at ease, though I was discouraged at having yet to find my father.

A vision of Jimmy's daughter, Claire, surfaced in my mind. She was young and spirited, beaming brightly with her mother's smile and my vessel's deep blue eyes. Jimmy stood a few yards in front of her as she kicked a soccer ball to him and he lightly punted it back, laughing at the sound of her giggling. A few emotions arose with the memory, most of them being joyous, yet an aching feeling of homesickness came with it. I folded my arms on my knees and rested my forehead on them, closing my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jimmy."

The memory disappeared and left me with my own thoughts then, and I found myself thinking of Sam and Dean, and the feelings that worked within them. With all that they had been through, I could understand their loyalty to each other, and I somehow found myself envious. I was now without any of my brothers.

As the sun dipped lower over the skyline, I appeared in the streets of Florence and looked around at the streetlights which were turning on one by one. I found myself wanting tea, and my mind went to Elizabeth. Ellie. I would have to get used to calling her that.

I put my hands in the pockets of my overcoat and stepped onto the sidewalk, still spinning the ring. My thoughts ran together and I found myself going back again to my time partnered with Aristel. I had a different vessel then. A nervous, faithful man who worked at a library in Chicago. The twenties were roaring, though it had never quite seemed the right time for him.

William was different from Jimmy in many ways. He was very quiet before I'd come to him and he lived alone in a large house inherited from his mother after her death. He was devout yet empty in many ways, and upon my reaching out to him, he begged for me to take his place. Thus I took the shape of a young, pale, blonde man with morose green eyes that hardly smiled unless he was lost inside literature.

Aristel's vessel was quite the opposite, being a preacher's daughter who was very happy and outgoing during her time alive. An automobile accident had placed her in a coma for over a year before my partner had taken her place. The day she walked out of the hospital, they all said it was some kind of miracle. The girl's father was the only one to ever know that it truly was.

"_It's rather incredible, isn't it," she asked me as we stood on the boardwalk of Atlantic City. _

"_What's that," I asked lazily, my chin resting in my hand as I leaned my elbows on the rail of the walkway. The night breeze was cool coming off of the ocean and the steel pier across the way echoed the excited shouts of visitors, and the roaring of the roller coaster was audible even from such a distance. _

"_The way they seem to gravitate to each other," Aristel answered. "It's almost like that's the reason they live. Just to have someone by their side." She fixed my fedora on her head and so it came down over her eyes a bit and pulled her coat around herself. "I like this style."_

_I turned and looked her up and down. "It suits you." _

"_I mean all of it," she said with a grin. "It feels good somehow."_

_I blinked and pushed my glasses up my nose before turning back to watch the lights on the pier. "It's cramped." _

_She continued to watch as people walked by us, leaning back on the banister and resting her elbows on the rail. She crossed her ankles and let out a sigh. "It's so beautiful somehow."_

_I turned around and mirrored her position, looking around at the people walking by us. "Why are you so interested?"_

"_It's sweet," she replied. _

"_It's an insignificant holiday." _

_Aristel sighed heavily and turned to look at me, leaning sideways along the rail of the boardwalk. She raised an eyebrow at me from under my hat and smiled crookedly. "Castiel, just because their customs are different from ours doesn't make them pointless. They've turned something negative into a beautiful thing. You should be happy that love is so important to them as it is us."_

"_It's not that," I replied evenly. "It just seems odd that they would save one day a year to celebrate something so influential when they should celebrate it every day.I admire the originality, and the celebration, and even the initiative." _

_She tilted her head at me and smiled wider. "I'm glad stuck with a partner that can at least see the good in it as well. Better than being stuck with Uriel."_

_I shrugged. "We're not here to judge. I suppose I just don't understand all the fascination."_

"_It's romantic. Now, try to fit in for a moment or two with me." _

_I tilted my head at her in confusion as she took off my fedora and pushed it down on my head before grabbing my hand, pulling me away from the railing. _

"_What are we doing?" I asked her in surprise as she slipped her arm through mine._

"_We're playing the part tonight. You need to have a little fun. Besides, we're here to watch over them, not stand vigil."_

_I thought about her words for a moment before letting her pull me onward. Perhaps she was right about some things. While the idea of the holiday was silly to me, the atmosphere that surrounded it was appealing in a way, and the emotions that filled the air were refreshing somehow. I let her drag me onward and tried to relax, hoping only that we didn't meet any cherubs. _

The memory faded and I found myself on a street corner under a flickering lamp. Something in my pocket buzzed. I let out a sigh and reached for my phone, flipping it open. "Hello?"

"Cas, there you are, I've been trying to reach you for hours. I'm on a satellite phone, man. Where the hell are you?"

I sighed again and rolled my eyes. "What's going on, Dean?"

"We need you're help with something. Sam and I have a lead on The Colt."

I leaned backed against the light post and closed my eyes. "Why do you need my help?"

"Well, huggy bear, if you're too busy with angelic extracurricular activities, then fine, but it looks like there's a few demons involved. We could really use some wings on the job."

I looked around the street and thought for a moment, not answering. As much as I felt I should help, I wanted to continue my search.

"Dude, come on, don't leave me hangin."

"Alright," I growled irritatedly into the phone. "Where are you?"

I could almost hear Dean's crooked smile.

* * *

><p><em>To be continued. Thank you again for reading!<em>


	3. Chapter III

_Thank you to the few of you who reviewed my last two chapters! They really keep me wanting to write this. I'm taking my sweet time getting to the exciting parts, but they are coming._

* * *

><p><em>I watch this city burn,<br>__These dreams like ashes float away,  
><em>_Your voice I've never heard. Only silence.  
><em>_Where were you when our hearts were bleeding?  
><em>_Where were you when it all crashed down?  
><em>_Never thought that you'd deceive me,  
><em>_Where are you now?  
><em>_ ~RED_

Lucifer was free, and I'm not impervious to Holy Fire. Seeing him for myself was greatly intimidating, and lying to his face was perhaps the most frightening thing I'd ever done. While his words were convincing on their own, his personality rung out as charming, but I knew better than to trust him. I was better than the fallen. Better than Uriel.

I wasn't sure what happened to me after I escaped, but my power was lessened again. I could no longer kill demons with my touch. I felt useless once again, and when the brothers failed to destroy Lucifer, I found myself at a loss.

The predicament with Gabriel left me baffled. I hadn't seen my older brother in centuries, and it was thought long ago that he'd left Heaven eternally. I was confused by his appearance, though it was told to me that he'd had an eye on the brothers for some time.

Anna's death stung me, as did the deaths of Ellen and Jo. Though I'd had her taken back to Heaven before my rebelling, her escape and destruction left me feeling raw. I'd cared for her, perhaps more than I'd like to admit, but her mission was something I could never agree with. I new it pained Dean as well, but neither of us would ever let her kill Sam, and with Michael's appearance her death was more final than God himself.

After everything, there was only thing was certain of. I was feeling pain. A lot of it. Crestfallen, I went to London.

"Castiel?" Ellie appeared in the doorway of her kitchen, smiling brightly as I manifested in front of the window. I looked at her sorrowfully and her face fell. The cat leaped from the windowsill near where I stood and rubbed contentedly against my leg. "

What is it?" She asked, narrowing her eyes with concern. I said nothing but dropped my eyes and she patted the arm of the couch. "Sit down."

I moved to the sofa and collapsed onto the cushions, leaning over to rest my elbows on my knees. Ellie moved in front of me and crouched to look me in the face. She rested a hand on my forearm and used the other to move her mousy hair out of her eyes. "What's going on, Castiel?"

I gazed at her for a moment over my hands that were folded and held to my face, before I let out a sigh and lowered my head. "I'm in need of guidance. Yet, I feel I have nowhere to go."

She grinned her hapless, one-second, grin and squeezed my arm lightly. "There's here. I know I can't be of much help, but if I can at least help you relax then..." she trailed off, smiling weakly.

Reaching out to touch her hand, I looked back up into her face gratefully. "Thank you. Have you heard any of what's been happening?"

She shook her head and looked down at the floor in consideration. "I'm not sure. There's a lot happening, really. There's been some about you. There's some about the Winchesters, and this demon, Crowley." She hesitated for a second. "Some of them are unsure of what is happening in Heaven. They don't like it. Castiel, there's something else."

"What is it," I asked from inside my arm. I had folded them over my knees and rested my forehead on them, hiding my face from her.

"A name has come up," she replied hesitantly. "I think it might be very important to you."

I lifted my head again to look at her with interest, head tilted. "Yes?"

"There's an angel some of them have been mentioning. His name is Joshua. They say he talks to God."

I froze. Something in me couldn't comprehend what she was telling me, and I sat staring at her blankly.

"Castiel?"

I grabbed her shoulder and she let out a loud squeak as I pulled her into my arms, hugging her tightly. She went stiff and kneeled awkwardly for an instant, her arms stuck at her sides, but after a moment she timidly put them around my waist and patted my back. The motion almost made me smile and I squeezed her tighter, making her squeak again.

"You're welcome." Her voice was small and she tugged at my arms gently, signaling me to let her go.

I released her then and put my hands to her shoulders, looking her in the eyes intently. "Thank you," I exclaimed. "Truly, Ellie, thank you."

She smiled at me over her horn rimmed glasses and nodded. "I was waiting for you to show so I could tell you. I wasn't sure if it was going to be helpful or not."

"It's very helpful. I'm so grateful to you," I managed again. "I need to find Sam and Dean. I'm cut off from Heaven still." I looked around before reaching into my pocket for my cellphone.

Ellie narrowed her eyes in worry, "You're not stuck here, are you?"

"I can still get around, but I can't get to Heaven. They're stopping me." I dialed Dean's number and put the phone to my ear.

"Castiel, wait," Ellie started but I held up my hand to silence her and she huffed but waited. On the phone, the other end rang once before ceasing and instead produced a loud buzzing. I looked at it in confusion before trying again, only to get the same result. Glaring at it, I dropped my shoulders and pouted.

"And they're corrupting my phone somehow."

Ellie quickly ran a hand through her hair, tossing her bangs behind her forehead, and snatched the phone out of my hand. I looked at her in surprise as she snapped it shut and looked at it's front. "No, silly thing. You're on an American phone service. You won't be able to call anyone while you're here."

She tossed the device back to me and I caught it awkwardly, putting it back in my overcoat.

"I'm not sure what to tell you, unless you can find someone else that might know them," she said then. "I don't have a way of calling out of country either. You might just have to go back to America and try calling them-" She froze.

I narrowed my eyes in confusion as I watched her stiffen, her brown eyes growing wide. "Ellie, what is it?"

"Zachariah."

"You hear him?"

Ellie nodded, her eyes staring off into space, eyebrows knitted together in concentration. After a moment, she let out a small gasp and her hands went to her mouth.

I reached out and grabbed her arm, turning her to me gently. "What is it? Ellie, tell me."

She looked blankly into space for another moment, before her eyes focussed and moved to mine. Tentatively she lowered her hands from her face and looked at me nervously, her eyes squinting. "It's Sam and Dean. They've been killed."

I stared at her blankly for a moment as I tried to comprehend what she was telling me. "Killed?"

She nodded slowly. "They were shot by demon hunters."

I growled in frustration then, turning from her and pacing around the room. That was why I'd been separated from home. They didn't want me contacting them. My mind raced furiously and I was beginning to spin Jimmy's ring on my left hand, when I thought of something. Each soul created their own paradise in Heaven. Knowing Dean, his car was more than likely involved.

"Elizabeth," I said, turning back to her, "do you have a radio?"

I was successful in my theory, and using Ellie's old FM box, I found Sam and Dean in their own paradise, and relayed the news of Joshua to them as quickly as possible. He would be where he always was, in the garden. All they'd have to do is follow the road.

My patience was wearing thin as I sat waiting with Ellie. Until the brothers found Joshua there was nothing I could do to help them. She was tolerant of me, and her tea seemed to help me relax. I was as thankful for her then as I had been for anyone. When she told me that the brothers had returned to Earth by the will of God, I felt a great surge of relief and thanked her again. She grinned at me graciously and asked me if I would come back. I gave her the answer I always did.

"If you wish me to, then I will."

I'd flown to Sam and Dean with such high spirits, hope filling me to the brim. But at Dean's words, I experienced something I'd never felt before. Heartbreak.

Part of me wanted to reach out and call him a liar. To deny his words and leave him standing there, to never speak to him again. The truth was jarring, and as much as I wished to, I couldn't deny it. I couldn't deny Dean after all he'd been through for me, but still my heart ached.

"You son of a bitch I believed in."

Sam called out to me as I left, but I needed to get away. I felt betrayed, wounded. It was as if my wings had been nailed to the floor and I wasn't strong enough to break free. I felt worthless.

I wasn't sure where to go. I knew the one place I could, but somehow, I couldn't let her see me that way. The state I was in was pitiful to say the least. Instead, I did something I'd learned during my time on Earth. Sin is a potent way to drown one's pain. Dean understood. His words to me were that he knew a lot about dead beat fathers, and I finally understood what he felt.

"What's with you?" he asked once as we stood in private a few days later. "You're acting like someone stole your favorite stuffed animal."

"What do you mean," I replied from my spot on the doorstep, not looking up to meet his eyes.

"I mean I think this has a bit less to do with the ol' man picking up and leaving then you're letting on. I mean, I feel ya' man, you're angry. You have every right to be, but right now with how much you're pouting it's almost like you're hung up on some girl." He hesitated for a moment, looking from me to the ground in thought. "Are you? I mean, do angels even do that sort of thing?"

I sighed and looked up at him from the aspirin bottle in my hand. "Not normally."

"Normally." He let out a huff of a laugh. "I guess I didn't think so. So why are you so pouty right now? I kinda feel like I'm baby sitting."

I glared and looked back down at the pill bottle. "I'm just hurt," I growled. "I know you're angry about it is well, but it's different for me. I pledged obedience millenniums ago, Dean. I thought that for all this time I've been doing God's will, but instead it turns out that the will of Heaven isn't that just."

He pulled another beer out of the Impala and came over to sit next to me, cracking it open. "I know you're hurt," he said seriously. "Think about it for second though. As of now, nothing has changed. I mean, yeah, one option is gone. We'll figure something out though."

I nodded bleakly only to receive a punch in the arm. "Look, dude. I know it sucks. It sucks a lot, but you've been wondering about God for a while. I mean, you rebelled. Take this as, uh, a type of redemption or something. Besides, Joshua even said one day he'd return. Just wait it out."

Listening to Dean somehow helped me. Though he didn't make sense some of time, he did he always had a way of getting his point across, and strangely, he was a great comfort when he wanted to be. This time he was right. There was pain now, but it couldn't stay this way forever.

After the Whore had been destroyed, I still found myself feeling dejected, though more in control of my emotions. Perhaps it had been speaking with Dean, or the simple act of getting back into the routine and helping he and Sam. Whether or not it was either, I felt more collected than I had before leaving them, and when I was able to find a moment, I appeared to Ellie.

Yet, as I manifested in my usual spot in front of the window, her reaction caught me off guard. Seated on the sofa in front of the coffee table, she was reading a book and playing with the ends of her hair, but the moment I appeared her head shot up. She stared at me for a second, her face grave, before abruptly standing and moving over to where I stood, only to wrap her arms around my shoulders and neck and hug me tightly.

I hesitated, surprised at her straightforward motion before I lightly hugged her around her waist. She squeezed me tighter and I was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling to do the same. I pulled her close to me, moving one arm around her shoulders, and rested my head against hers, closing my eyes. We stood that way for what must have been years before I felt her pull away and release me. I copied her, not wanting to seem foolish by holding on.

Morosely, she gazed up into my face, her brown eyes filled with worry. "I heard about everything," she said quietly.

I shook my head, looking back at her evenly, and let out a breath I'd apparently been holding in. "I was somehow prepared for this. I presume I just didn't want to believe it like the others."

Ellie nodded and looked down, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment and swallowing. "I can't imagine what it must feel like," she whispered. "I'm so sorry, Castiel."

"It's all right. My only difficulty is that I don't understand," I said quietly. My chest heaved and I felt something rise in my throat. "I don't…" My voice cracked and I suddenly wasn't sure of what was happening to me. My vision blurred, and something hot slid down my face. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand, confused. "What's going on?"

Ellie didn't look me in the eye as she reached up to run her thumb over my cheek. "You're crying," she answered quietly. "It's okay, they're just tears."

"Why am I?" I asked, still wiping away the watery haze from my eyes.

"Because you're hurting," she told me. Then, without sparing a moment, she put her arms around me again and squeezed me lightly. The lump in my throat rose higher and my chest began to burn.

I clung to her then and buried my face into her shoulder. I couldn't make any sound, but I could feel myself trembling violently. Ellie let out a shaky breath and I heard her whimper slightly.

"What is it?" I asked through the tears, lifting my head up to look at her, but she moved close to me to hide her face in my neck.

"Nothing," she said, her voice cracking.

I took one arm from around her and reached up to touch the side of her face. "Don't cry," I commanded gently.

Instantly she relaxed and cleared her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment as she pulled away and looked back up at me, forcing a small grin. "It scares me that you can do that," she choked out. I tilted my head at her in confusion.

"There's no fear in your eyes."

"No, no. Not like that," she responded quickly. "It's a different type of fear. A good one almost, if you can understand that."

I shook my head. "I don't understand."

"Oh, never mind," she laughed haplessly, clearing her throat and looking down at the floor again. "Come sit down."

Minutes later I was seated on her sofa, a cup of hot tea in my hand. I stared into it quietly, letting the tingling heat move through my hands and feeling the steam warm my face. My eyes burned.

Ellie sat on the floor, plopped comfortably onto a giant cushion next to a small easel, which she quietly brushed with different colors of paint. Every now and then she'd glance up at me over her horn rimmed glasses and back down again.

"Do you want to talk about it," she asked straightforwardly once.

I thought for a moment, exchanging a glance with the cat that sat curled up next to my leg. "I'm not sure there's much to talk about."

She shrugged and looked back to her painting. "I can understand. Why don't you take a nap or something?"

"I don't sleep," I responded.

"Neither do I," she said, looking up with a smile. I tilted my head at her in confusion. She sighed with mild irritation and her smile vanished.

"You can drink tea," she said nodding towards the cup in my hands. "But you don't need to."

I nodded, shifting my eyes a bit. "That's generally how things work. This is a vessel, I don't need to eat or drink. Nor do I sleep, or age."

"You still _can_ though. Right?"

I thought for a moment, exchanging glances with the cat again. My mind went back to our battle for the second horseman, Famine, and I shifted uncomfortably. "I have eaten before, I just don't need to. I've never tried sleeping."

"You should try. It's refreshing. It might help you feel better, actually. I know every time I've gone through something that's left me hurt, when I've gone to sleep I always wake up feeling better. After a while of doing it, you wake up and you don't hurt anymore." She grinned her second long grin and dipped her brush in her paint tray before turning back to the easel.

I watched her for a moment, studying her body language. She was relaxed and contented. Her mind seemed clear as she studied the canvas in front of her, her eyes focussed and intent. Her lips were parted slightly, her brow furrowed in concentration.

Her quirks fascinated me; always wearing sweaters just a bit too large for her, almost constantly in bare feet unless she was working at the cafe. Even the nicknacks she had set around her apartment were not of the norm. Tiny dragons and crystals were strewn about her small living room, along with small idols of Gods and creatures from other religions, yet she wore a cross around her neck. She was confusing to me, and I wondered that if Aristel could remember just who she was, if she would still be the same way.

"How do you do it," I asked her, my mind bouncing back to our conversation. "Sleep, I mean."

She glanced back up from her painting again and squinted at my question curiously. "Well, first you have to relax."

"I am relaxed."

"More than that." She turned back to the canvas. "You need to clear your mind if you want to sleep well. Then you just lay back, close your eyes, and steady your breathing."

"Then I'll go to sleep," I finished.

She shrugged and looked up for a moment again. "Eventually. It's not something you can just turn on and off. Well, for most people at least." Her tone turned irritated. "Unfortunately."

I knew that Ellie had often had trouble sleeping. Much like Jimmy, she suffered from insomnia, but she'd given up fighting it when she was in school. Now she only bothered getting into bed when she couldn't keep her eyes open. Sometimes she'd stay up for days. I wondered if perhaps the remainder of the angelic part of her allowed it.

"Ellie," I said questioningly, "could you help me relax?"

"Do you want to try it?" She spoke while leaning in close to her canvas, her wrist moving rapidly as she painted.

"Yes," I answered with a nod. "If you think it might help me."

"I'm not sure I know what I could do to help," she sighed. "I don't remember any lullabies to sing or anything, though I doubt that would help much anyway."

"It would," I said straightforwardly.

Ellie stopped painting and leaned back to look at me, her hands falling into her lap. "I guess I could hum or something. As long as you don't look at me, that is."

I thought it an odd request but I nodded in agreement.

"Lay back and close your eyes," she ordered. I did as I was told. The cat protested with a quiet meow as I moved my legs and it jumped up onto the bookshelf with a glare.

"Eyes closed?" She asked, and I nodded in reply. "Just let your thoughts come and go as they please. No peeking."

She started to hum quietly, a soft, melancholy tune that resonated through my ears soothingly. After a few minutes I felt my breathing slow, my eyelids became heavy. I turned my head to look at her for a moment, wanting to see what I was listening to.

"Eyes closed," she said immediately, interrupting her humming for only half a second before continuing.

I closed them again and turned my head back. After a time her voice began to disappear, becoming quieter and quieter. My body couldn't move, and eventually Ellie's apartment disappeared from my mind. I didn't know who or where I was, and the only thing that was left was the warmth...

"Castiel?"

Someone was caressing my face.

"Castiel, wake up."

I took in a deep breath, not opening my eyes. "I don't want to."

I heard her laugh, and couldn't help but grin at the sound of it. "I told you it can help," she said, and I could hear the smile on her lips.

"I like it," I replied as I stretched a bit, arching my back before turning my head from her. I felt her touch my face, brushing my cheek softly with the back of her hand.

"You need to wake up, Castiel," she said gently.

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to reach down your throat and rip out your lungs if you don't."

My eyes snapped open and I rushed to get off of the sofa, but it had me by the throat before I could react. The next second I was slammed into the wall, it's claws still wrapped tightly around my neck as it held me up, squeezing from the sheer joy of it.

"Hello, honey," it cooed into my face from behind Elizabeth's horn rimmed glasses. Its voice was deeper than Ellie's, low and seductive, malevolent and dark. "I've been looking all over for you."

I reached my hand up from my side and stretched out to it, trying touch its forehead with my palm. It raised an eyebrow and smirked with it's evil black eyes, leaning forward to press it's brow into my hand. Nothing.

"Aw, look at that. Pretty boy angel's all out of juice."

"Get out of her," I snarled, dropping my arm.

"Or what?" It smirked again with Ellie's mouth. "Gonna run and tell daddy, or one of your big brothers? Oh, wait. They care about you about as much as the rest of your family. Jack squat."

I glared at it furiously and fought it's grip, but I found I couldn't move my legs.

"Whatever you want you can deal with me personally," I choked out. "Leave her out of this."

"Sorry, sweetheart," it cooed in replied. "You see I like this new body. It's so pretty. Too bad she hasn't had much experience with men. One boyfriend in high school and not a good lay since, I see. I'll have to break her in a little bit. Or was that your plan?"

I reached out for it again in anger but it let go of my throat and stepped back, dropping me from the wall, only to fling me back into it with a flick of it's wrist, holding me there.

"Now what do you say we have a little chat, pretty boy?"

I continued to glower at it and it smiled again, fangs glistening. "I've got a little message for you. Crowley's been watching you. He says you and the boys had better get your act together or he'll give me permission to roast little Ellie here alive, you got that?"

"You're working for Crowley?" I gasped out, my eyes narrowed.

"You might say that," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "He's promised to give me a few benefits down stairs if ol' Lucy gets the rope."

"And you," I asked with a growl. "Who are you that he's willing to do that for?"

It seemed to think for a moment, running a hand through Ellie's dark, mousy hair. "Call me Liz. Ellie is such a stupid nickname. It sounds weak and pitiful. I see her older brother gave it to her. A few months before he crashed his old cadillac. Poor bastard." It shook its head and hummed in mock sadness. "Such sad memories this little one has. So very, very sad."

"Enough," I growled. "Leave her be, tell me who you are."

It stepped forward with a laugh, putting a finger under my chin and forcing my head up. "Just who I said, pretty boy. Though who I am in Hell is another story. That's for me to know and you to… you to…"

Her body jerked suddenly, and it dropped her hand from my face. I suddenly fell from the wall and collapsed to my knees with a thud. Looking back up at the demon in Ellie's body, I saw it holding its head in pain, its face twisted into a sneer. It took a step forward when her body jerked again and it let out a cry.

"Shut up in there, you little bitch," it screamed in fury, its voice breaking. I watched in wonder as it clutched at Ellie's hair and shook its head back and forth. "I said shut up! How are you doing that?!"

"Get out!"

That was the voice I knew.

"Stop it!" The demon roared in its deeper vocals. "Stop doing that! This isn't possible!"

"It's my body, get out, _now_!"

The demon fell against the wall and grasped it with it's hands. I backed up against the bookshelf, watching helplessly. "Ellie," I managed out. "Ellie, come on."

"Castiel…" She groaned, only for her head to jerk down and to the side, her fingers digging into the wall.

"You," the demon gasped in its deeper voice. "I know what you are. You're not human. You're…"

Her head snapped back and the black smoke poured from her mouth, filling the room. I lunged forward, catching Ellie as she fell before spinning around and holding out my hand to the thick, dark cloud that was now revolving near the ceiling. I spoke clearly in Enochian and a roaring filled the air. Energy shot from the cloud of smoke in small bolts of electricity. It seemed to heave and grow briefly before it disappeared, shrinking and vanishing as if though sucked into a vacuum.

I dropped my hand, gasping as silence filled the room again, and turned back to the girl in my arms. She was unconscious, as most possession victims are afterwards, and her breathing was shallow. Her hair hung over her face and I moved it out of the way, checking her head for any damage. She had a small bruise from being slammed into the wall, but nothing else, and I healed it easily.

I put my arms under her knees and lifted her up, turning around to lay her on the couch. There was a soft mew from the other side of the room, and I turned to see the cat come out from under the rocking chair. He looked at me with his wide, yellow gaze before stepping out from under the fabric fully and leaping up onto the sofa.

"Been hiding this whole time." I said to it as it curled up on the back of the cushions. "Coward."

_'Gone?'_

"Yes, the demon is gone," I assured it. "It won't be coming back here."

_'Miss?'  
><em>

"She'll be fine."

He wrapped his tail around his front and rested his head on his paws, watching me as I turned back to Elizabeth. "Please be fine."

* * *

><p><em>To be continued. I love feedback and would greatly appreciate reviews! <em>


	4. Chapter IV

_I love writing for Crowley. After seeing Mark Sheppard in all of my favorite shows, he's become a major favorite._

* * *

><p><em>Tell me, did you sail across the sun<br>Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded  
>And that heaven is overrated<br>__Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star __  
>One without a permanent scar<br>And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there...  
>~Train<em>

I peered down at Ellie and sighed with relief as I saw her stir a bit. My heart rate still hadn't slowed fully from the encounter with the demon, and I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. My mind was racing.

"Oh, you got my message. Goody."

The cat shot up and hissed loudly, its black fur standing fully on end. _'Monster!'_

I stood up and spun around, my blade sliding down out of my sleeve and into my hand. Crowley smirked and tilted his head in boredom. "Really now, is violence entirely necessary? I thought the pen was mightier than the sword."

"What do you want?" I growled, gripping the hilt of my blade tighter.

"Just a little chat," he replied, taking a step forward. "Your girlfriend sort of made it a bit difficult to get the point across."

"She's not…" I trailed off as I understood his teasing. "What point?"

"Oh, you know. The entire, 'killing the devil' situation. You see, I want to make sure that this is going to go through just right. Wouldn't want ol' Lucifer running about and making a mess out of my plans, now would I? I mean, what sort of king would that make me?"

I turned my head and glared at him from the corner of my eye, but said nothing.

Crowley tilted his head at me, waiting for a reply before he dismissed my silence with a shrug. "You see, I'm sure you've already figured why I came to you and not Laurel and Hardy over in America. You're a bit more of a threat than they are, what with working for the big man upstairs. Not to mention you have your foot in the door of trouble."

"Where are you going with this," I asked with a growl.

"Well, you see, it's simply this," he said shifting to put his hands in his pockets. "I figure since you're the Winchester's little guardian angel, you'll have the upper hand when it comes to knowing just what's going on in between my world and yours. Not that you're as powerful as you could be anymore, but with your little radio there," he nodded to Ellie's form on the sofa, "I figure you'll be able to tell if anything starts to go awry."

"Your demon said you had plan to kill her if things didn't turn out the way you want them to. Is that right?"

Crowley tilted his head in thought for a moment, glancing away only to look back at me with a sly grin. "Lets call her insurance," he replied. "I mean, she's dangerous enough as it is, eh? I was really just going to let Liz have her fun anyway. You know, stick around in her body and come out every now and then to reek havoc, then bring her back downstairs when it was all over. However, I didn't really expect your little lass to be so demon resistant. So instead, let's do this; you do everything in your power to make sure that Lucifer doesn't rise up to fight his big brother, and she lives. Eh?"

"Why don't I just kill you now and get it over with?" I flipped my blade in my hand to hold it backwards, reaching out to snatch Crowley's collar and shove him into the wall. He let out a huff as I slammed against his chest with my arm, holding my sword to his throat.

Crowley snorted a laugh and lifted his chin a bit. "Please. You couldn't even hold up against a little crossroads demon of mine, what the bloody hell do you think you'll be able to do to me? Your little battery gets lower on power with every move you make." He grinned slyly. "Besides, if you kill me, who's going to help your boys take out the big, bad fallen angel? Not that they couldn't if they tried. The big one seems to like demons enough."

I hesitated, knowing every word he spoke was true and hating each one of them as they dripped like poison from his mouth. Relaxing, I shoved him back into the wall and released his collar. "You talk to much."

Crowley gave a crooked grin and straighten his suit jacket. "That's a good girl. Now can we agree on the terms?"

"I'm not doing this to make a deal with you, I'm doing it because it needs to be done," I snarled into his face. "Just because you have an upper hand at the moment doesn't mean I wont kill you the first chance I get."

The King of Hell shrugged carelessly. "Fine by me, sweetheart. We'll deal with that when we get to it though, savvy? For the past few months you've been bouncing back and forth on whether or not you feel you're even doing the right thing, so I figure if I take a little piece of what you hold to be so special, then maybe you'll find yourself on the right track. She may be a little resistant to possession, but she'll still bleed with a blade through her throat. Don't you think?"

I clenched my fists and glared him down. "I'll do what I can to make sure Lucifer doesn't rise. Not that the entire idea isn't as insane as yourself, because it is. I'm helping Sam and Dean because it's the right thing, and if you ever send one of your abominations to even look at her again, I will find a way to kill you, Crowley," I stepped up into his face. "I will set you ablaze and damn you myself."

"Sure, sure," he replied, nodding enthusiastically, still holding a smug grin. "Just think of this as a boost in motivation. Besides, you can't kill me if the whole world is going to Hell, right?"

I continued to glower but said nothing in reply. The demon took his hands out of his pockets and casually adjusted his tie. "Well, I'll be off. I have work to do, and so do you it seems." He smirked down at the girl lying on the sofa before shifting his eyes back at me. "Don't have too much fun then, eh? Though you really look like you could use some."

He vanished from sight. I let out a breath.

"Castiel..."

I turned around to see Ellie's eyes screwed shut in pain and I kneeled down beside her. "Are you alright?"

She looked around, shifting her eyes a bit and lifting her head up before laying it back down. "I think so," she said with a groan. "What happened?"

"How much do you remember?"

She hesitated, looking around a bit more. "I'm not too sure. I remember you falling asleep, and me staying up to paint for a while. This funny smell..." She froze as she trailed off, her eyes growing wide for a moment. "Oh, no. What did I do?"

"It wasn't you," I replied assuringly. "You couldn't have stopped it had you had the chance."

Ellie sat up quickly, her eyes shifting as she searched for the rest of her memory. "I didn't hurt you did I? Good God, I threw you into the wall."

"I'm fine. It wasn't you," I repeated, standing up. "Do you remember everything?"

She nodded, moving her hair out of her eyes. "It seems like it. There was that smell. Sort of like sulfur. I think. Then that smoke was pushing it's way down my throat, and that thing was in my head." She paused, her eyes narrowed, brow furrowed. "What did it want? I can't remember much else."

I shifted, thinking quickly. "It just wanted to speak to me. It didn't care much about you, it was just using you to talk to me safely. There wont be any more, I made sure of that."

"Talk to you?" Her eyebrows moved together and she shook her head in confusion. "Wouldn't demons avoid angels at all costs?"

I shook my head. "Sometimes they get arrogant. This one just wanted to scare me. They don't like that an angel is so close to those that they want to destroy."

Ellie leaned back on the sofa, closing her eyes and rubbing them with her palms. "I'm so shaken up, but I feel exhausted," she breathed out, "I was wide awake before that thing body snatched me." She knitted her eyebrows and opened her eyes again. "Did I hear you talking to someone a minute ago?"

I hesitated, not wanting to tell her the truth. I knew she was aware of Crowley, and that he was, in his own way, helping the Winchesters. Telling her of his malicious intent would scare her. "Just the cat," I said finally. "He was worried about you." I gazed at her for a moment before sighing deeply. "I should go," I said quietly. "I should be with Sam and Dean."

Ellie nodded and gazed at me sadly. "Alright," she replied, her voice just as low. "Thank you for, keeping me safe."

I nodded to her and turned away, but something stopped me. Standing silently, I turned slightly to see her over my shoulder. She sat there motionless, her sad eyes fixed on floor. I tilted my head and turned around questioningly, and she looked up to gaze into my face.

"What is it?"

"I'm waiting for you to ask me to come back," I stated honestly.

It was her turn to tilt her head, and her brow furrowed for a moment before she looked away from me again. This worried me slightly, and I stepped forward a bit. "You don't wish for me to return?" I wondered if her possession had suddenly made her nervous to have me around. She was an enigma to me, and the fact that I couldn't read her was frustrating. Had it been Dean, I could have easily looked into his mind and seen his own emotions, but Ellie was shielded by the remains of her fallen grace.

Ellie dipped her head slightly and bit her bottom lip. I began to feel distressed that she was going to confirm my assumption when she looked up into my eyes and whispered morosely, "Actually, I don't really want you to go."

Something tugged in my chest. I stared at her momentarily before blinking a few times rapidly. My mind searched desperately for something to say, but all I could manage was: "Are you alright?"

She gave her second long grin, before becoming serious again. "I think so. I'm just scared, I guess. Stay with me tonight?"

I thought for a minute, wondering if time would freeze for me if I needed it to. Sam and Dean were capable of so much, and I knew that if they needed me, they'd summon me somehow. Most of the time it was impossible to avoid them.

"I'd really appreciate it," Ellie said, her brown eyes pleading. "Just this once. Please, stay."

I relaxed my shoulders in resignation and gazed at her helplessly. "Of course," I managed out. "I'll stay if you need me."

I moved back to the sofa to sit down beside her. Yet before I could even find a comfortable position, she moved closer to me and began tugging gently at my overcoat, moving it up over my shoulders. I gave her a questioning look, but she didn't meet my eyes. Not wanting to seem foolish, I followed her actions and pulled the trench coat off of my arms, leaning back as she pulled it around herself like a blanket. She pulled her legs up onto the couch and rested one arm around my middle before resting her head against my shoulder, her hair lightly tickling my neck.

I sat rather stiffly for the first few moments, unsure of how to react. She seemed comfortable, and didn't speak as she closed her eyes and nestled her face against my chest. She was warm against me, even through Jimmy's jacket and shirt, and somewhat comforting somehow. I tried to think clearly but I found my thoughts clouded and fuzzy, involuntarily snapping back to the girl now resting in my arms. I didn't want to do anything immoral or inappropriate that might ruin her intentions. I suddenly heard a familiar voice in my head.

_Dude, just relax. _

I swallowed and tried to take the advice. Laying my head back, I gazed up at the ceiling, and stretched my free arm over the back of the couch, stretching my legs out a bit. Hesitantly, I moved my other so it was around Ellie's shoulder, and gingerly placed my hand on her arm.

She let out a breath and squeezed me a bit. I tilted my head to look down at her face, that was partially hidden by the flap of my trench coat. Her eyes were screwed shut, her eyebrows knitted together slightly as she slowly breathed in and out.

"Ellie?" She didn't answer and I let out a small sigh. I heard a purring near my ear as the cat adjusted its self on the cushion by my head. I leaned back again and closed my eyes. Maybe I could fall asleep again, but after everything, I somehow doubted it...

"Castiel," Ellie questioned sleepily from the couch. I turned from the bookshelf and tilted my head at her. She was sitting up, rubbing her sleepy eyes and scratching at the top of her head, burying her hand in her messy, mousy hair, as she tossed it about.

"Good morning, Ellie," I answered her in my usual monotone.

"What time is it?"

"Ten twenty-four in the morning," I replied. "You don't need to be anywhere, do you?"

She blinked a few times to clear her vision before flopping back onto the sofa cushions. The sleeping cat popped up at her motion and gave a light, distressed meow. "I don't think so." She rolled onto her side and brought her knees up to her chest, gazing at me through her hair. I grinned a bit and turned back to the bookshelf, scanning the many, many titles arranged neatly in it's oak walls. Many of them were older stories that I recognized and had read myself through the years, though there were some that I'd never seen before.

I felt her eyes on me for quite some time as I stood motionless, staring almost questioningly at my back. I focussed for a moment, looking into her mind, only to find her thoughts still clouded. I wasn't surprised at this, but there was no harm in trying.

"Castiel?" Her voice was small and hesitant, sparking a question in my mind.

"Yes, Ellie?"

"Do you really have wings?" Her voice was near amazed, as if she couldn't believe the idea.

I turned to look over my shoulder, glancing at the feathered protrusions sticking from them, before tilting my head at her. She was gazing at me with her mouth open slightly, eyes wide. "I have wings," came my answer. "Why do you ask?"

"Your shadow against the bookshelf."

I glanced back at the books, noticing what she meant. "Oh. Yes, that does happen."

She tilted her head at me this time and sat up, her messy hair falling into her face again which she swept over the top of her head. "I never noticed before. The light through the window just... Wait, why can't I actually see them?"

"Your senses are too dull," I answered evenly. She snorted and looked irate. "All humans are."

The irritated look vanished and she crossed her legs, leaning to rest her elbow on her knee and hold her head in her hand. "What are they like?"

I was confused by the question and narrowed my eyes, turning to look at my shadow for myself. "Like wings. Feathery."

"What color are they?"

I turned my head to look at them again, opening them slightly and curling one around my front to study it. "A light, dusty brown I guess. Mousy brown." I found my words slightly ironic as I turned back to the girl sitting on the couch, glancing at her hair.

"They look large," she commented, still looking behind me.

"If I had them open they wouldn't be able to fit in the apartment," I said. She gave her second long grin, and squinted hard for a moment, only to relax her eyes and look slightly disappointed.

"I bet they're lovely."

I shrugged and brought one in front of me again, looking at it closely. Ellie leaned forward, watching the shadow. The feathers were long and neat, gradually fading from the mousy brown at my shoulder to a more chocolate tone just near the tips. For a human it might seem surprising at how well they were kept. They'd found themselves ablaze more than once, bitten, stabbed, slashed, torn at, ripped, shredded to near devastation, only to grow back as quickly as they'd been wounded.

I waved it once before folding it again, and a light breeze flew through the living room, causing one of Ellie's drawings to flutter off of the coffee table. She gave a smile as she reached over to snatch it out of the air.

"They have their qualities," I said as she turned back to me.

"Don't they ever get in the way?"

I shook my head and walked over to the sofa to sit beside her. "Not here. Not in a human body. You might say that they're ethereal."

Ellie looked focussed for a moment, narrowing her eyes curiously before hesitantly reaching out a hand. She stopped as she got close to my shoulder, pausing to think for another moment before touching the shoulder blade lightly. I watched her face as her eyes narrowed even more in pure curiosity. Gently she ran her fingers from the side to the center of my back before working them down my spine. I jumped once. "That tickles."

She pulled her hand away and tilted her head back, smiling. "Sorry. It's just odd knowing they are there but not seeing or feeling them. Like when you used to stay hidden from me. Do you have a halo as well?"

"If by that, you mean a circle of glowing whatever floating above my head all of the time, then no," I replied with a soft smile.

"Good," she grinned her second long grin again.

Her eyes went distant for a moment and darted back to the spot near my shoulder. "What were mine like? The same as yours?"

A memory drifted to me from the depths of my mind...

_The lights were impressive watching over London with her at my side. She stood near a light post, peeking in one of the red phone booths, my fedora once again down over her eyes. _

_I kept my hands in my pockets as I squinted over at her, past the black umbrellas passing us by. _

"_Anything interesting?"_

_She turned and shut the door to the booth, gazing at me from under my hat. "This whole city is interesting, and beautiful. I have to admit, if I were human, this is where I would want to live."_

_It suddenly began raining again, as it had been on and off all day, and I looked up to the sky with a frown. "It's so gloomy."_

"_I like it," she replied, walking up to match my strides. _

_I pushed my glasses up my nose and shook my head. "Strange one you are, aren't you?"_

"_You've always known that."_

"_I have."_

_She put her hands in her coat and grinned at me from the corner of her eyes and I pretended not to notice. "It's true though. I am." She shrugged a bit to pull her coat further around her shoulders, only to look back for a moment, stopping and moving one wing around in front of her. _

"_My feathers are in utter disarray," she mentioned. _

"_Vanity is the root of all sins," I teased in my usual monotone, walking on. _

"_Funny," she said, plucking out a feather. "I thought Uriel was the humorous one. What are our orders from Arizael again?"_

"_Act as usual," I answered numbly. She stopped walking again and plucked another feather, examining it. I stopped with her and gazed at her dark wings, noticing nothing wrong with them. "Will you stop that? They're fine."_

"_Hardly," she murmured. _

_I rolled my eyes and began walking again, glancing back around to see her fold them behind her and move to catch up to me. _

"_What's wrong with you today," she questioned appearing a few feet ahead of me. "You seem tense."_

"_Our garrison is being watched," I replied evenly. "By the Archangels."_

"_When isn't it?" She brought her other wing out in front of her and looked at it closely. "Lighten up, what could happen?"_

_I narrowed my eyes and watched her as she smoothed her feathers, shaking my head slightly. "It's not what could happen, it's just the fact that we should perform as need be. I'm not worried about consequences."_

"_Just about getting approval," she mumbled. "Don't worry about anything, it's pointless. You're an archangel too, remember."_

_I ignored the comment and changed the subject. "Sometimes by watching you, you makes it seem like you want to have imperfections."_

_She folded her wing back and looked at me from under my hat. "Haven't you ever wondered what it's like to be human?"_

"_Wondered yes, wished no." _

_We continued walking for a time before stopping under an overhang of a cafe and gazed out at the rain. The streets were clearing rapidly as it came down harder and harder, and I turned to look at Aristel. She gazed out into the shower, a small smile on her lips, her eyes distant. I looked out at the wet street and tried to understand her motivation, finding it difficult._

"_Why are you so interested," I said, asking my usual question, though I was surprised when this time, I didn't get a usual excuse. _

"_Why do you think I'm interested?"_

_I narrowed my eyes and furrowed my brow, looking down at the sidewalk in thought. While I was curious, I had never tried to empathize with her for myself. I glanced around. _

"_The culture?"_

_She shook her head. _

"_The emotion."_

"_That's part of it." She stared out at the rain still, her face blank. _

_I thought harder, focussing a moment after I couldn't come up with an answer, only to find her mind blocked from me. I growled a bit in protest and she smiled, still gazing into the street. "Don't cheat, that defeats the point."_

"_The point of what," I asked, irate. _

"_Free thinking." _

"_What does free thinking have anything to do with humanity?"_

_She stopped for a second to turn and look at me. "Everything. Look at the difference between us and them. With us, everything is so black and white. Right and wrong. They are different, they have thoughts outside of that."_

"_They don't know any better. We do."_

"_By who's opinion?" I was taken aback as she was suddenly fierce in her response, her eyebrows knitted together angrily. _

_I narrowed my own eyes and turned my head a bit in mild confusion. "In God's knowledge," I corrected. _

_She scoffed. "God. I'm starting to wonder about God, Castiel."_

_I gazed at her evenly, taken aback by her reply. _"_Be careful, Aristel," I warned quietly, my voice gentle. "I don't wish to see you pay for blasphemy."_

_Aristel closed her eyes and shook her head at my words. "I'm sorry, but haven't you ever wondered why he favors them over us? If we are so perfect, so knowledgeable in right and wrong, then why does God love them more than he loves his angels? Why love something so imperfect, unless it isn't really?"_

_I thought for a minute, rolling her words around in my head. I could understand clearly what she meant now, though I still didn't understand her fascination. "Aris," I said gently, "I don't question what our father wants. He created us to love us as well. No one can understand why he loves them the way he does better than himself, but I know he has his reasons. If it is because they are imperfect, then so be it. We are what we are, and we should accept that, and be knowledgeable of his greater understanding and of his love." _

_She shook her head again but smiled a little bit. "I wish I had your faith, Castiel. Sometimes, I'm envious of you because of it." _

_I smiled softly at her comment. "Delinquent child," I teased. _

_She grinned back at me and pulled a wing out in front of her again. "Are you sure they look all right to you?"_

_I rolled my eyes once more and shook my head, looking out at the street again. "They're beautiful," I replied. _

_She grinned and I watched her step out into the rain, the drops pouring from the overhang collecting in her feathers as she moved under it. Standing on the sidewalk, she opened them for a moment, and shook them a few times. The water sprayed everywhere, flung from her by the movement, only to be replaced seconds later by the ever going shower. _

_She chuckled and walked back under the overhang, keeping one open slightly and looking at it under the lights. "They look like stars," she commented. _

_I tilted my head to look and she held it open more. Indeed the small drops of water looked similar to the night sky on her dark feathers and I nodded. She folded them back behind her once again and shook them gently to shake off the rest of the rain, sprinkling me with cold beads..._

"Castiel?"

The memory drifted back from whence it came, and I looked into Ellie's questioning brown eyes.

"Your wings were lovely," I said to her. "They were large, like mine. Soft, and neat. They were dark though. Not like these dusty things. They weren't quite black, but a definitely a darker brown. They would catch the raindrops and you liked to see the light reflect off of them, always comparing them to something like the night sky."

I stared back down at the floor as I spoke, the memories of that day returning. Ellie was gazing at me with serious eyes and I turned to tilt my head at her as I felt them on me. "What is it?"

"I just wish I could remember."

I nodded in understanding, and found myself slightly surprised when I answered her. "So do I."

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><p><em>To be continued. Please review, friends. <em>


	5. Chapter V

_I'm back. My old laptop hit the bucket and I had to wait for classes to start to get a new one. But today is a special day for me as it is my 21st birthday, and I figured my present to myself would be reuniting with Cas, so here is part five. A special thanks to those of you who followed and reviewed this while I was away. I love you guys._

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><p><em>When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears<br>When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
>And I held your hand through all of these years<br>But you still have all of me...  
>~<em>_ Evanescence_

I never thought I'd want to hurt Dean. My bond to him was exceedingly strong. More than I'd have with any human in their short time on Earth. I'd done everything for him, and I'd still do anything for him to this day. While he was still a rude, pretentious, self-hating, egotistical, promiscuous, lying, thieving, violent, ill-tempered idiot, his loyalty was far more than anything I'd felt from someone in a long time.

Perhaps that's why I felt so betrayed when he gave in to them.

Dean almost begged me to stop as I threw him into the wall, striking him again and again. I felt Jimmy's wedding ring cut him twice as I hit his face, felt the adrenaline surge through me as I tore at his jacket to shove him into the alley fence. He kept his eyes squeezed shut and a glimpse of his mind told me he was too ashamed to look me in the face. As I threw him to the ground, I saw the damage I'd done but part of me still wanted to do more. Yet, as he looked up into the light rain that had begun to fall and spoke, his words hit me harder than I'd beaten him.

_"Do it." _

My clenched fist loosened and the most I could bring myself to do was reach over and touch him lightly on the shoulder, putting him to sleep immediately. After a moment of standing blankly in the alley, attempting to calm myself, I glanced back down at my friend's sleeping form huddled against the wall. I growled under my breath and went to him, sliding down the brick to sit beside his limp body.

"You stupid idiot," I growled still, staring forward at the dumpster on the other side of the way. "You stupid, selfish idiot."

I ran a hand through my now damp hair and shook my head, glancing down at the moron beside me. His forehead and lip were bleeding, his left eye slightly swollen. A bit of pride leaked into my system and I smirked for a second before the feeling was replaced with guilt. While I was still angry, seeing him in such a state from my own hand was still unnerving and I growled to myself again.

Standing up, I grabbed him by his green jacket and hoisted him up roughly, pushing him against the wall again to steady him. His head rolled back a bit, he mouth open slightly, blood leaking from the side of his lips. I threw his arm around my shoulder so he leaned against me, slumped.

Dean's green eyes fluttered for a moment, and he groaned. "Cas…"

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye.

"Cas. I'm… I…"

"Just shut up," I growled, hoisting him a bit so he was steady.

"Sorry." The word came out as a harsh, wheezy breath before his head rolled to the side again and he coughed slightly.

I reached my hand over, touching his forehead and making him sleep again.

The events that followed need no explanation. After losing my faith in Dean, losing my power made it easy to lose my faith in everything else. I was tempted to lose myself in sin again and waste away. What amazed me, was when Dean pulled through. After everything we'd been through, all of the torture, all of the loss, all of the constant disappointment, the wayward son didn't give up...

My first few moments of consciousness were almost unbearable.

As my eyes fluttered open and I peered painfully around the clean, white hospital room, the unfortunate memories of my recent past gradually began to ease back to me, and as I lay in the firmly tucked bed, gazing about in mild panic of waking in an unknown area, I realized something that made my vessel's blood run cold.

I couldn't feel my wings.

In that moment, everything came flooding back in a rush. From Dean's painful surrender, to asking him to carve the Enochian sigil into my chest as Sam held me pinned against the warehouse wall. The last thing I recalled was appearing on a boat and seeing a panic of people about, hollering at me in Spanish curses. Using the sigil against the opposing angels had completely drained me of my remaining power.

Despair gripped me at the realization. My breathing quickened and my throat felt tight. A screen sitting next to the bed that had been expelling a low, continuous chirping sound suddenly began to hasten, and I realized from many past hospital visits that it was monitoring my vessel's heart rate. Gripping the side of the bed, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to keep myself from panicking. Pain thumped through my body in many ways, and I found it hard to comprehend all the different feelings. The worst was in my head. My vision was still distorted, and what I thought must be nausea was fiercely gripping my stomach.

I was completely human, and I could suddenly understand how Bobby had felt without the use of his legs.

Turning to the table beside me, I snatched the bed pan and dry heaved into it, my knuckles turning white with my tight hold. It was possibly the most horrid thing I'd ever experienced.

When I'd composed myself I collapsed back onto the pillows of the bed and closed my eyes with a growl, trying to adjust to the different sensations my body was experiencing. I recognized hunger, and the drowsiness that I had begun to feel with my gradual loss of power. I could hardly keep my eyes open. The pain in my head and stomach were accompanied by a harsh burning from my chest where the sigil was still carved into my skin, along with numerous other spots where I'd apparently been injured. My back also feverishly itched in a spot that I couldn't reach without wincing.

Even more so, there was a sharpness in my chest that hurt in a non-physical manner, as I realized that without my power, there was no way I could travel on my own.

I swallowed, trying to rid myself of the tightness in my throat and thought of what I needed to do next.

Luckily, a quick call to Dean was simple enough as my room was already equipped with a phone, though this one was simpler to use than Jimmy's cellular device. I knew the older brother's number by heart at this point, and I was somehow pleasantly surprised to hear a hint of concern in his voice when he answered the call a second after the first ring.

After a brief exchange of explaining, I learned that he and Sam were already in pursuit of Pestilence, the third Horseman, and that Bobby would wire me the money I would need to travel to them. I left the moment I was able.

The events that followed were terrifying.

Being human was absolutely exhausting. It was the first time I'd felt the pain of true sickness in the presence of Pestilence, and it was far worse than what I'd experienced upon waking in the hospital bed. The only thing that could have been worse were the two, horribly long bus rides it had taken me just to reach them.

It was my second experience with sleep after we'd retrieved the ring, though it was my first time feeling truly tired. I'd collapsed into slumber seconds after the Impala had begun to move. It was also the first time I'd experienced nightmares, and after jerking awake to Sam's gentle nudging, I had no interest in finding sleep again.

When the younger brother took in Lucifer, I wasn't certain how Dean would react, so when he came through clear-headed I was taken by surprise. His professionalism seemed to restore some of my faith in him, and while it was clear he was still in a state of horror and anguish, even Bobby appeared shocked by his steady demeanor.

I hadn't ever expected to get though our "strategy" alive. In truth, I'd been prepared for my end for some time since falling. Yet, when Lucifer turned his sinister gaze to me with Sam's dark, hazel eyes, I discovered what it was to be genuinely afraid. The last thing I would have expected was to be resurrected again, much less with my power restored, and I felt a wave of relief surge through me as I realized the truth of what happened. I offered a silent thanks to my Father.

Dean gazed up at me in awe as I gently reached out to touch his temple, healing his injuries from where Lucifer had beaten him repeatedly. While I expected him to be just as shocked as I was, his question after I'd reached down to help him stand took me off guard.

"Cas, are you God?"

I'd almost laughed with surprise at the comment, but gave him a small smile as I stopped myself. "That's a nice compliment, but no." His face spoke his wonder as I told him of how I suspected I'd been returned once again, and Bobby's eyes also reflected signs of astonishment as he recovered from the jolt of being returned to life.

We stood in silence for a time, gazing around the area as a sense of loss returned to us. Dean stood over the spot where Sam and Michael had been swallowed by the earth, Bobby at his side with his arm around him. I stood back, closer to Dean's car, waiting patiently. The ache of losing Sam burned, but I left the hunters to themselves, praying silently to myself.

They spoke quietly together, Bobby squeezing Deans shoulders and rocking him gently in what I supposed to be a comforting gesture between two men who'd just sacrificed everything. Dean seemed to manage weak smiles and nods in reply Bobby's words as tears slid down his face. After a time, they embraced briefly and turned to walk back to the car.

Dean approached me with his hand out, something in his fingers glinting in the sunlight. "What do you suppose we should do with these," he asked through a rough voice. He held out the Horsemen's rings, still attached, and rotated them in the light.

"They're a bit too dangerous for us to be messin' around with don't ya think?" Bobby sounded skeptical. "We'll throw them into the ocean or something."

I shook my head. "They are too dangerous in the wrong hands. Object such as these should only be with their proper owners, those who know the responsibility of using them."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "So what do we do?"

I held my hand out as the rings floated from Deans fingers and moved to hover above my palm. "Return them to their proper masters."

"You crazy, boy? Those things caused a hell of a lot of trouble recently, I wouldn't give them to anyone. If I could, I'd melt em' down and use em' for bullets or something."

Dean huffed a weak laugh at Bobby's comment. "Pestilence ammo. Sounds lovely."

"I'm afraid that wouldn't be possible," I said gazing at the rotating rings above my hand. "They only work like that for the true Horsemen unless they are given with consent. You need not worry though, the Horsemen know their place and business. They'll go back to their usual duties until the next Apocalypse."

"Hopefully that won't be for a while. I have a couple promises to keep." Dean stuffed his hands in his pockets, and Bobby let out a breath. "Well, Cas, I assume you know how to get them where they need to go?"

I nodded and focused a bit, raising the rings higher into the air, until they were far above us. The two men craned their necks to watch them, and Dean covered his eyes with a hand to block the glare of the sun.

The rings rose until even I could barely see them with Jimmy's human eyes. I concentrated for another second before spreading my fingers apart, sending the artifacts on their way.

In a small instant, the rings shot apart with a loud crack, and raced away from each other in four directions. The movement was so fast that had any of us blinked we would have missed it, and we lost sight of the objects as they flew over the trees and past the horizon.

I lowered my hand to my side and let out a breath. "They know where to go," I explained. "Things will be able to go back to normal very shortly."

Bobby turned to me with a nervous nod. "If you're sure. I'd sure hate to have to go through all that shit again."

"I'm sure," I assured him.

The older man nodded again and gave a shrug. "I guess that's that then. I'm more tired than I've ever been in my life." He quietly walked around to the side of the Impala, his shoulders slumped.

I glanced to Dean at my side who was now staring back at the spot on the ground where he'd picked up the rings, his eyes distant. I placed a hand on his arm and he jumped slightly at my touch, turning to me with large, green eyes.

"So, it's really all over?" His voice was hoarse. I gave him a single nod, and he swallowed, blinking a couple of times. "Thanks, Cas."

I returned his thanks with a gentle grin.

"Alright," he said then, standing more alertly and tugging on the lapels of his leather jacket to straighten it. His voice came more confidently, the playful tone I knew so well returned to it. "Let's get the hell out of here."

I appeared in the passengers seat as the hunter climbed in beside me, and turned the key in the ignition. I jumped as the radio blasted, but he reached over to turn it down before Bobby or I could say anything.

"By the way," he said turning to me, "'Assbutt?'"

I glared out the front window and straightened the collar of my overcoat with a roll of my shoulders. "Shut up."

By the time Bobby had fallen asleep in the back seat, Dean's angst had begun to swell, and I left him alone for a time and didn't return until they'd reached home. Dean greeted me with a roll of his eyes as I appeared beside him on Bobby's front porch.

"Now what? They kick you out?"

"I haven't even been back yet," I answered.

"So you realized how much you suck at goodbyes."

I let out a sigh before answering. "Sure, partially. I'm also here because you have a promise to keep to someone."

His shoulders sagged and he took a swig out of his beer, staring distantly off. "Yeah. I know."

Losing Sam had been a great cost. Seeing Dean in his state current state was devistating. While he seemed to put the day's events aside, he didn't smile.

After sleeping for most of the day, Bobby seemed to go right back into the swing of things, though I was sure most of it was to keep the younger hunter's head up, as Dean was being a bit quiet. Still, it was easy to see that he was just as heartbroken. His eyes gave most of it away, but his gruff wisecracking kept a small grin on Dean's face, and until the last Winchester departed, none of us mentioned Sam.

Later, as I watched my friend climb the steps to Lisa's door, I couldn't help but smile to myself. The door to the large house was flung open and after an exchange of words the dark haired woman wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him inside. Dean glanced back to me once before the door shut, and I gave him a single nod.

From the side of the Impala, I watched through the front window as Lisa hugged the hunter tightly and Ben ran in from another room before tossing his arms around Dean's waist.

A vision flashed through my mind. A memory.

_Claire ran from the front door of the house, laughing and squeaking as she went. She raced right over to Jimmy, throwing her arms around his legs as he stepped from h_is _car, nearly knocking him off of his feet. She spoke to him quickly, her high, youthful voice, craning her neck to gaze up at him from her height just above his waist. Jimmy smiled widely, speaking joyfully, and knelt to hug his young daughter tightly. She climbed onto his knees, knocking him into the grass. He laughed out loud and squeezed her again before rolling onto his side to tickle her ribs, and she shrieked with uncontrollable laughter. _

_He locked eyes with his wife, leaning in the frame of their front door, her arms crossed, a gorgeous smile stretched across her face. The same smile that made her green eyes glisten. The same smile that had captured his attention on the very first day he met her..._

The vision faded, along with an overwhelming feeling of homesickness. I found myself turning the wedding ring on my hand.

"Alright, Jimmy," I whispered to the night air. "Just this once..."

The Novak residence was dark when I alighted on the sidewalk outside. Only the porch light was lit. Something inside me, a feeling that wasn't my own, grew warm at that fact, and another vision of Jimmy's wife came into my mind very briefly.

"_I'll never stop waiting."_

I glanced around the yard a bit, hesitating, as I tried to determine what exactly I was doing, when a flicker of light came from the corner of my eyes. Glancing up to one of the windows, I saw that a faint light had come on in one of the upstairs bedrooms. A small figure stood silhouetted in the frame. A moment later, it vanished, and I sensed it's intentions. Another moment and I appeared in the kitchen. The stairs creaked, and I turned.

Jimmy's ocean eyes stared back at me, young and wide, encircled with locks of blonde hair that could have only been her mother's. She gazed back at me curiously, questioning everything.

"Hello, Claire," I said quietly.

"Dad?" Her voice was hesitant and insecure, as though she already knew the answer to the inquiry she was afraid to ask. I shook my head silently, and she lowered her eyes, nodding in bleak understanding. "Why are you here, then?"

I dipped my head to her. "I'm here to inform that the tribulations that brought me here are over. The dangers of this world have lessened greatly. I will be returning home very soon."

The girl's blue eyes lit up intently. "Does that mean my dad can come home?"

I blinked morosely and shook my head. "No. I'm sorry. It would be dangerous if your father were to return. For all of you."

"But, you said the danger was over," she interrupted pleadingly, a small crease appearing between her eyebrows.

"Yes," I replied patiently. "The dangers that brought me here have ended, but the dangers that are linked between Heaven and Hell remain. If your father were to return, it would make things difficult for all of you."

"How? I don't understand."

I let out a breath and moved to her, stepping slowly across the kitchen. She watched me closely, and I could feel the fight within her. She was arguing with herself, seeing the image that was her father, watching the mannerisms that were my own, and listening to the voice that was somewhere in between.

I knelt before her to meet her eyes and she glared me down with her cerulean gaze. I kept my face blank but spoke seriously. "Heaven and Hell are very complicated, Claire. There is no way I could ever explain it all to you, but please try to understand. If Jimmy were without me now, it would still be very easy for demons to target you or your father and mother. That will never change."

"Why would they do that?" Her voice cracked slightly as tears welled up in her eyes. "We haven't done anything."

"I know," I said gently. "But your father is still the vessel of an angel. That would be enough to make them want to destroy him."

She blinked, fighting away the new tears that were coming to her eyes. She swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. I reached up to place a hand on her shoulder comfortingly and she relaxed immediately.

"Please try to understand, Claire. I know your father wouldn't want anything to happen to you. So do you." I gazed at her still, reflecting her pleading gaze. "I wish it could be different. It just can't be."

Claire nodded then, screwing her eyes shut as the tears finally spilled over and slid down her face. She choked out a small sob, and I leaned back in surprise as she suddenly threw her arms around my neck, squeezing tightly. Tentatively, I put an arm around her shoulders, gently squeezing her in return. In that moment, I realized she was trembling against me as she sobbed, and I held her tightly then, wrapping my other arm around her.

"I love you, Dad," she choked out, her voice hardly above a whisper. All at once, a hundred images and memories flooded before me. From the first time Jimmy held his newborn daughter in his arms, to the last time he felt the warmth of her small hands in his. Emotions overflowed within me and I screwed my eyes shut to bear it.

Moments went by that felt like years. The visions faded, the emotions passed, and all that was left was the two of us curled on the kitchen floor. I had reverted to sitting with one leg under me, the other stretched out awkwardly, Claire with her own legs draped over it as she sat between my knees. We still held each other, and after a few more moments, I found myself releasing her from a firm embrace that left both of us breathless.

I stood then, not meeting her blue gaze as she, too, got to her feet and pulled away. I turned away from her to leave her in peace when she spoke again, making me freeze in my tracks.

"I do remember what it's like to have you inside my mind. To be trapped in my own body with you." She spoke assertively. "It's not the same for everyone, is it? He's not going through that, is he?"

I turned back to her, gazing at her dejectedly. It was a question I never wished to answer. She stared back gravely, tears still brimming. My shoulders fell. "Yes."

Claire swallowed again and screwed her eyes shut, trying still to hold back her sobs. "Is… Is it true that he begged you so I wouldn't have to go through it again?"

"Yes," I replied again, swallowing. "He wouldn't allow anything else."

"He was going to die, wasn't he? Because of the demons that took me and my mom. That's the real reason he can't come back, isn't it?"

I turned to her fully, looking at her dejectedly, angst welling in my chest. "I'm sorry. I wish I could change this. As I said, it's complicated," I blinked and glanced briefly down at the floor to escape her pained eyes, "but that is the main reason, yes."

The girl before me shook her head and, to my surprise, managed a smile through her tears. "He did it to help you. To save me." She swallowed hard again, still fighting back sobs. Her shoulders shook from the effort. "He's sort of a hero. Isn't he?"

I grinned at her softly, feeling a bit of relief. "He's far more than that."

She smiled again, her father's blue eyes shining. I turned from her, leaving the kitchen to move through the front door and out to the street. Yet, as a spread my wings to leave, a voice rang out through the still, night air.

"Angel! Castiel!"

Amelia.

I turned on the walkway, looking back to the Novak house, only to meet the glistening green eyes of Jimmy's wife. She stood in the front door, wearing a pair of flannel pajamas, her blond locks pulled back into a loose knot. She hovered there, peering at me in wonder and confusion and I could feel the struggle within her as she tried to reason that the man before her was not her husband.

I waited patiently for her as I had for her daughter, standing motionless in the dim light of the front porch. She ran a hand through her bangs and bit gently at her bottom lip, thinking hard, her eyebrows knitted together. After a stiff moment, she took a breath and swallowed.

"Thank you."

The words came from her lips as a shaky whisper, but I heard them nonetheless.

I held her eyes for a long moment before I dipped my head to her in understanding. She bit her bottom lip again and rested her hand on the doorframe, only to lean her head against it as she continued to watch me. I never once felt her eyes leave me as I turned from Jimmy's home and stretched out my wings again.

I had one more trip to make.

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><p><em>To be continued. Thank you for reading. Reviews are awesome.<em>


	6. Chapter VI

_I thought I should clarify, the different sounds between Aristel (Ellie) and Arizael (Anna), as a couple people have confused the names. __Arizael's name is pronounced with a short 'A,' as a pirate would say "arr." The 'I' is brief and not heard when her name is spoken. The ending "zael" is pronounced as the end of Raphael's, so her name sounds like Arr-zai-ell. __Aristel is simpler and pronounced as Air-iss-tell._

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><p><em>Every gesture,<em>  
><em>Every move that she makes <em>  
><em>Makes me feel like never before,<em>  
><em>Why do I have this growing need<em>  
><em>To be beside her...<em>  
><em> ~Phil Collins<em>

Upon entering Ellie's home I found her asleep, lying curled against the arm of the couch. It crossed my mind how I'd almost never found her sleeping in a bed though she had one in her room connected to her kitchen. Only the light standing near her bookshelf was on, illuminating her spot on the sofa while the rest of the flat was left dark.

The cat perched on the bookshelf, it's tail curled around it's paws as it squinted at me. _'Bright,_' it thought irritably to me upon catching glimpse of my grace.

"Hello," I replied simply before turning to Ellie's sleeping form.

I debated on waking her, though our earlier conversations of her rarely sleeping came to me, and instead, I decided on an alternative. I took a seat on the edge of the couch beside her and focused, closing my eyes.

When I reopened them a moment later I found myself sitting on a bench in an English garden on a sunny, warm day. Ellie sat in front of me in the grass, a large, black panther with yellow eyes lay on it's back beside her as she rubbed it's belly eagerly. The panther rolled and growled with enthusiasm at her scratching, squeezing it's eyes shut and curling it's lips in a frightening smile.

I stood up, tilting my head at the large animal, and Ellie looked up from talking sweetly to it. I noticed she didn't have her glasses on, and her hair was tied and braided down her back.

"Hey, Castiel," she exclaimed with a questioning look. "What are you doing here?"

"Hello, Ellie," I replied evenly, stepping over to her. "I didn't want to wake you."

"Wake me?" She knitted her brows together in confusion and looked around the garden before her eyes slid back to the panther lying beside her. Her eyebrows went up. "Oh. Oh!" She stood up and backed away from the animal. "Oh, my. This seemed normal a second ago."

I grinned slightly at her reaction and gestured to the panther. "Who is your friend?"

As I watched her, the braid in her hair seemed to simply fall away, her brown, messy locks flopping suddenly past her shoulders. A second later, I seemed to blink and her glasses were on her face. She was pushing them up nervously. The panther was also gone and in it's place, her cat rubbed contentedly against her leg. "Oh," I commented, finding the answer to my question. "He's not usually that large, it seems."

The cat turned to glare at me from between the girl's legs, tail held high, and spoke in a smooth, British accent. "You're not usually this slow."

I blinked and raised an eyebrow at him.

Ellie glanced around again, seeming to question everything with her eyes. "I'm asleep." It came out as a statement though she looked to me for an answer, and I nodded in return. "But you're real."

"I didn't want to wake you," I said again.

She nodded in understanding, unblinkingly. "I see," she managed out before breaking into a smile. "You're visiting me in my dreams, that's wicked. I wouldn't have minded you waking me up though. This is a tad bit edgy."

"I can wake you if you'd like."

She held up a hand. "No, no, it's fine. I'd been laying there a while anyway. I'd been reading _Wizard's First Rule_ for a good four hours and my head started to hurt." She glanced around again. "I certainly wish I could do this all the time."

I put my hands in the pockets of my overcoat and took a step towards her. "Elizabeth, I do need to speak with you."

She turned to me from gazing around the garden, looking concerned. "About what? Is everything all right?"

Nodding once, I offered her a soft smile. "Yes. I came to tell you that I'll be leaving soon. Sam and Dean were successful." I paused as her eyes snapped up to mine, glistening with hope. "They stopped the Apocalypse."

"How?" Her voice was a whisper as she gazed at me wide eyed.

I was suddenly aware of the sound of waves and glanced about to find we were now standing on a beach, the sun dipping low in the sky, causing the horizon to glow with a peaceful, orange light. I turned back to her, only to stare in reverence as the dimming sunlight reflected beautifully in Ellie's dark eyes, and gave her hair a blazing outline.

"How?" She repeated the word more intently, leaning in slightly as if to be sure I knew what she was asking.

I blinked and shook my head slightly, remembering our conversation. "It was Sam," I said slowly. "He accepted Lucifer, but somehow he was able to regain control of himself. He sacrificed himself, throwing himself into the cage. He took Michael with him…" I trailed off, staring out to the horizon at storm clouds rapidly building, covering up the sun.

"Sam is…" Ellie's voice was harsh, as though her throat was dry. I looked back to her, trying to keep my face tranquil.

"He's gone."

"Oh." Her tone was morose and her eyes dropped to the ground before coming back up. "Dean?"

I looked to the sand, kicking at it absentmindedly. "Dean is fine. As fine as he'll be for a while at least." I looked out to the ocean and sighed irately. "He's so complicated and stubborn, he won't show any emotion over losing Sam if he can help it. He did a little bit at first and with Bobby's help, but an hour later he was almost right back to himself, just less adamant Bobby really isn't help either. It seems like he almost encouraged it this time. As soon as we made it back to his home he was going through a normal routine as if-"

"Castiel." Her voice was forceful but light, and I jumped at her interruption, realizing that I was rambling profusely. Pausing for a moment I noticed that my heart was beating abnormally, and I took a breath to calm myself.

"My apologies," I stated with a small sigh. "I suppose Dean is a sensitive subject. I'm not entirely sure why, I've always had an odd connection to him. I wish he'd be easier on himself."

"Is he often so emotionless?" She walked up closer to me, and took a lapel of my overcoat, tugging me with her as she continued on. Taking the hint, I stepped next to her and walked with her on the shoreline.

"He tends to sway in two directions," I replied. "More often than not, he shows nothing. No fear, no sorrow. The only way you can tell he's taking things roughly is by the way he treats himself. This time I suppose it was understandable. The three of them have all lost each other so many times, this time they were prepared for the worst for all of them."

Ellie was nodding thoughtfully, watching her feet kick up the sand. "He's been through a lot, it sounds like."

"You have no idea."

She managed a small smile and turned to look at me, squinting her eyes in the orange light. "So what happens now? Now that it's all over. Heaven's knackered, Hell is too, but what about you?"

I let out a small sigh. "That's what I wanted to speak to you about. My home, I'm sure, is in utter disarray, and I've decided that I should probably be the one to mend things. I am, after all, one of the main causes of," I took a breath and raised my eyebrows, "the current disfunction that the universe is suffering from."

Ellie stopped and turned to me, folding her arms across her chest. "Won't that be difficult? Won't the other angels be wary of you?"

"Yes, but I'm prepared for it. I know many of them will stand with me. I don't feel that my family should live in the tyranny that it does now. We archangels have always had oversee of the rest. Well, unless you've got my reputation at least. Michael and Gabriel used to lead us with velvety, iron fists long ago. Only they and Lucifer have even seen God, so they always had the superiority. Raphael, though, he has much power now. I'm sure he'll want to run things his way, but I can't continue to let him force the rest to bow down at his will. I'm the only one who can challenge him."

"Why you?"

I gave her a small smile as I attempted a joke. "Who else to challenge Tuesday but Thursday?"

Ellie didn't laugh. "Doesn't that mean he has more power than you though? Uriel was the Guardian of Wednesday and he almost had you if not for Arizael stepping in. I mean, you know how it goes, 'Monday's child is fair of face, Tuesday's child is full of grace, Wednesday's child is full of woe-'"

"'Thursday's child has far to go,'" I finished as I narrowed my eyes. "How did you know that?"

"Sunday school."

"No, I mean how did you know Anna's true name?"

Ellie stopped, almost tripping int he sand, before turning and staring past me for a moment, her face in a mild state of shock. "Uh, I… I don't know. I'm assuming I heard it from the others. I mean, I do hear a lot, you know."

I thought for a moment, considering her words as my eyes search the horizon. That could be the only real explanation, but for some reason I found it doubtful. Angels made a point to not speak a brother's or sister's name to each other once they'd passed on. It was considered saying it in vain. Something gnawed at the corners of my mind but I couldn't place the feeling.

"Castiel, is everything going to be okay?"

Her concerned question pulled me from my thoughts and I looked back to her chocolate eyes.

"Yes, Ellie," I spoke gently. "Nothing unfortunate will happen. Even if it does, I can promise you I will put a stop to it."

She grinned her second long grin for me, and nodded in understanding. "You'll still visit me?"

I nodded contentedly. "Yes. It may not be as often, but I promise I will when I can. Raphael my be more powerful than I, but I'm confident he will see reason." I let out a breath. "I should go. Speaking of this makes me want to get it over with."

Ellie nodded again and looked about her. Suddenly, the ground dropped out from under us to be replaced by fluffy, white clouds. It was as though we were standing on glass. Below us, I could hardly make out the ground, and all that surrounded us was blue and silent.

"What's it like to fly?" Her question came wistfully, and I looked to her to see her looking upward, a light breeze wisping strands of her hair about.

I grinned at her softly. "Exhilarating."

"I want to try it," she replied, her eyes snapping to mine again. "I always have."

"Well, now you can."

She smiled brightly and moved to hug me around the neck. "Thank you, Castiel."

I put my arms around her and squeezed her in return, grinning happily. "Call me Cas."

I opened my eyes and looked down to Ellie's sleeping form. Glancing to the clock on her bookshelf I noticed that only seconds had passed since I'd arrived at her home, and the cat still sat watching me.

_'Slow.'_ it teased.

"You shouldn't mess about in people's dreams," I replied. It blinked and looked away from me, tail twitching.

Beside me, Ellie was stirring, letting out soft groans as she started to become conscious. I reached over and gently touched her temple, and her body relaxed into the pillows.

Gazing down at her calm face I felt a feeling come over me that I'd never felt before. Ellie Williams was such the opposite of Aristel. The trials of her human life had seemed to chisel away at the lively, curious, mischievous personality that was once my partner until she had become a soft, introverted reflection. Though at times I could see glimmers of Aris in those brown eyes, it was like they were two different people sharing the same soul. Both different in their ways of wisdom and love, yet each just as heartfelt and forgiving as the other.

Somehow, I now seemed to understand why it was that Aristel had fallen. Perhaps she was redeeming herself. Perhaps, this is how she wished it to be...

Speaking with Raphael didn't go as well as I'd planned. You probably know that. Most of what followed didn't go well either, but you probably know that also. As I said before, you probably know most of what took place up until my short-lived redemption, so let's skip everything you are already are aware of. I'm not proud of it, I don't like talking about it, I don't like thinking about it, and I'd rather just forget it ever happened.

There are important events, however, that you don't know.

Months went by and not once did I check on Sam and Dean, though the younger Winchester often prayed to me for answers about his release from Hell. I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't want him to know I'd tried saving him and failed. It had been on a whim, an arrogant one in defiance of my brothers. I hid from him because of it. When I did show, all new kinds of Hell broke loose. Those stories, I know you know of.

I wasn't lying to the brothers when I told them I'd much rather be on Earth than in Heaven. The battlefield was the last place I'd like to be, but in reality, being around Sam and Dean pained me. It reminded me only of the deception I was keeping from them, the mistakes I had made, and the lies that I was telling every day. In truth, there was only one place that I'd like to be.

There was never a moment in Ellie's time that she didn't hear the angels. When the war in Heaven began, the voices had only gotten worse for her.

At times, by mistake, she'd end up writing out full sentences of words she'd heard instead the ones she meant to put on paper and would have to erase until she got frustrated. At her job at the cafe, she'd sometimes mix coffee orders up because of the whispering in her head and would end up going home annoyed. Other times, she would find herself stopping in the middle of whatever she was doing, working or not, to listen to them upon hearing my name, fearing that something had happened to me. During those times she would pray silently, simply asking for me to check in with her, and I did whenever I had a moment.

Those times were hard for me. I knew she worried greatly, the possibility of me being in danger always in the back of her mind. The only times she felt relief were when I was with her, or when my own voice happened to leak into the constant radio of whispering in her head.

Out of everything I'd told her in the past, everything I continued to tell her, this was the first time that there were things I couldn't let her know. Things that would scare her, things that would hurt her. Things I was too ashamed of. She didn't know I was working with Crowley. Even if it wasn't to my liking. Just as Sam and Dean, I felt that if I told her, she'd think far less of me. Maybe lose faith in me. Maybe even hate me.

Crowley enjoyed mocking me for it. Similar to my connection with the Winchesters, he found my emotions towards Ellie to be "exceedingly laughable." Most of his teasing was harmless, and I let him throw his insults around as much as he liked, but without comment from me. As much as he thought he knew about her, I knew that his assumptions were wrong.

Walking along the courtyard of Notre Dame cathedral, a day after arguing with the notorious King of Hell, I found my mind in a whirl of confusion and frustration. Something about Elizabeth, how she'd known Anna's true name, had been bothering me for some time, though I'd pushed it to the back of my mind. It had surfaced again, after a visit to her when she'd mentioned Anna once more, commenting how she sometimes wished she'd chosen to return to Heaven so she'd at least know I was all right.

It gnawed at the edges of my mind, like an itch I couldn't scratch. In her state, Ellie should have no memories of her time in Heaven. Nothing of me, nothing of Arizael.

Arizael. Anna hadn't even had an inkling as to her true identity until she'd been hypnotized, but she had had visions. She'd known the sigil could banish angels for a short time if used, and she'd known how to draw it, even that it was to be done in blood. Perhaps the memory of our superior had leaked through to her subconscious. Then again, maybe it was something else.

The itch in my mind almost seemed to hurt and on a sudden whim of worry, I went to her home.

I appeared in Ellie's apartment in my spot by the window, only to find the entire place dark, the cat curled into a black, furry ball on the back of the sofa.

My troublesome pondering had left me greatly concerned, and it had been some time since I'd visited last. Over a month. I suddenly found myself cursing my neglect, and the dammed war above me in that I had just left her for so long.

I checked the kitchen and then her bedroom, only to find the sheets made up as they always were. Moving back out to the living room, I tried calming myself, telling myself that had something happened to her, I'd have felt it. I told myself to stop being ridiculous, but out of worry, I decided to wait.

Hours went by and I tried to keep my patience. The tugging of concern for Heaven was active in the back of my mind. Another itch I couldn't scratch, but I knew that there would be no less tribulation were I there. I had faith in Rachel and my other siblings who'd chosen to stay beside me. They could handle things. Still, I never felt anything less than guilt for my absence.

The sound of voices broke me from my thoughts, and I turned towards the door, seeing silhouettes through the blinds over the window. Ellie's voice was apparent and I felt relief come over me like a wave. I was hardly concerned with the second voice until she opened the door.

I froze in my spot at the window, my face suddenly feeling very warm. A hot tingle shot up through my chest, my knees felt weak, and I suddenly had the need to swallow. I wondered if this is what Dean meant when he said that Lisa made him feel "all funny" at times.

Ellie walked quietly into the room, placing her keys on the table beside the door, and switched on the light. A slender, velvety, red dress covered her from her chest to just below her knees, exposing her ankles on which she wore a pair of black dress shoes with high heels. Her dress was held up by thin straps that tied around the back of her neck, exposing her shoulders and most of her back. It hugged her perfectly. Her hair was pulled up into a lovely tail that seemed to be held up by two thin braids she'd looped around it numerous times. I took note that she wasn't wearing her glasses, and her brown eyes were outlined with a dark shade that made them seem to stand out from her face.

Ellie was speaking, and I'd missed what she said, but I was aware that it wasn't to me. I'd chosen to stay hidden when I'd heard the other voice, for fear of startling anyone. It was only now, when the man stepped through the doorway that I concerned myself with who he was.

He was young, perhaps a bit older than Ellie. Light skinned, with dark hair and eyes, and was built somewhat like Dean, though perhaps a bit thinner in the shoulders. He was dressed as extravagantly as she was, in a dark suit and tie and he was looking at her in a way that I didn't approve of. His thoughts were quite harmless, but there was an underlying intent beneath them that made my stomach sink. I didn't like that either.

"I found Johnson's sketches to be rather abstract," he was saying in a smooth voice, accent matching Ellie's northern English. "Not in a bad way, but not to my liking. There were too many harsh edges. Parteli's were much more my style. I don't think any of them were quite as attracting as your drawings though."

Ellie smiled brightly in a way I'd never seen before, and I tilted my head in observation. She'd never had that look about her around me.

"Thank you," she said through her smile. "I hope to go with you again some time, whether I'm featured there or not. It was very enjoyable."

The young man grinned broadly and nodded in approval. "As do I, it was rather fun. I hope to see more of this angel of yours, even if they are just hung in the cafe. He's quite the attractive character."

I blinked in confusion. Ellie smiled wider.

"He is, isn't he? Sometimes I think he's all that keeps me sane." She looked down at the floor for a moment, her face seeming more flushed than it had been a moment before. When she looked back up at the young man, her face was more serious, though she still held the hint of a smile. "Tonight was grand, thank you for taking me."

He grinned and nodded again. "Any time, Ell. I'm sure I'll see you at the cafe on Monday." Ellie nodded as he kept her gaze for a moment before leaning down and gently pressing his lips to her cheek. Somewhere inside me, I felt something grow dark.

A moment later, the young man was gone, and Elizabeth shut the door to her home before turning around to lean against it, a grin spread across her face. She let out a small laugh and tilted her head back, closing her eyes.

I quietly made myself visible, and stepped away from the window so not to scare her. "Hello, Ellie," I murmured, surprising myself with my morose tone.

Ellie's head came up and her eyes opened before a moment of surprise took over her features. "Castiel. How long have you been here?"

I lowered my eyes to look at the floor, the uncomfortable feeling still brewing inside me at the sight of the two of them. "A few hours."

She stood up straight, moving away from the door, concern covering her face. "A few hours? Cas, are you all right? Why have you been here so long?" She dipped her head a bit, trying to capture my eyes, but I found another spot on the carpet to study.

"I hadn't come for some time. I suppose I was irrationally worried about you."

Ellie blinked and tilted her head a bit, her brow furrowing. "Castiel, you don't have to worry about me. What could happen?" She turned her head again, still trying to look into my eyes. "Hey, why won't you look at me?"

Hesitantly, I pulled my focus back up to her face and let out a shallow breath. "Ellie, may I ask who that was?"

She tilted her head at me again, but her faced softened into curiosity. "Alec?" I nodded, looking down at the floor again, only for her to put a finger under my chin and gently lift my face back up. Her dark eyes were shimmering.

"He's a friend of mine," she said gently. "I was at an art gala with him tonight at a small gallery his mother owns. He comes into work a lot for tea and worked it out to put a couple of my drawings, one's of you, into one of the display rooms. Is that all right?"

Her last question was genuine, though a bit of impatience seemed to leak through her tone. She rose an eyebrow in an almost scolding manner and I felt a stillness come over me, somewhat drowning out the dark feeling that had been lingering. "Yes," I managed out. "I am happy for you." My voice was still empty, and I could tell she knew I wasn't satisfied.

"What is it?" She asked it in a coaxing voice as she lowered her hand from my chin.

I ended up looking straight back down at the floor, and she let out a resigned sigh. Hearing it, I turned my gaze back to her eyes apologetically trying to keep it there. "He kissed you."

Ellie blinked, her face flushing a bit. She swallowed and nodded slowly. "Yes, he did. Well, sort of."

"You liked it," I murmured.

Ellie flushed a bit more, tucking a loose strand of hair quickly behind her ear. She crossed her arms across her chest. "Yes, I did. Why?"

From somewhere, the dark feeling seemed to seep back into my chest and I clenched my jaw. "I didn't."

The woman in front of me took a step forward, looking up at me with questions dancing in her eyes as she craned her neck a bit to keep eye contact, but I wasn't looking at her. I kept my own eyes forward, staring now out the window as I tried to overcome the emotion that was stirring in the pit of my stomach.

"Did it bother you or something?" Ellie's voice was gentle and curious.

I swallowed and the dark feeling grew as I replayed the scene in my mind, seeing the way she'd been smiling at him, and the thoughts running through his head. The image of him kissing her made my face burn. I stayed silent, clenching my jaw still, and Ellie seemed to take it as an answer.

"Why did it bother you?" Her voice still held it's gentle, almost soothing tone, but the curiosity in it was more persistent.

I opened my eyes and, for the first time, tried to think of an answer to her question. Why _did_ it bother me? My focus strained as I tried to make sense of it. I'd never felt this way before. Not about anyone. There were times when I'd felt something similar with Dean when I'd seen him with women, but it wasn't nearly this uncomfortable. I thought about what it was that bothered me most. Not seeing the young man kiss Ellie, or even his thoughts about her, but the fact that she had seemed to appreciate the attention almost immensely. She'd never looked that way in my company.

Something like fear crept over me at that last thought, and I realized something. I was afraid of losing her. Just as I had always been, from the day she fell to Earth and I'd taken it upon myself to protect her. Just as I was during these times of tribulation when I needed an airway to breath and regain my focus. Yet now, the fear of losing her was even more intense, to the point that I found others a threat? How long ago had my emotions run away with me? How long had I'd feared losing her in such an emotional sense?

I swallowed hard and lowered my eyes from her again. I knew my face held an image of shame before everything else. I had the sudden urge to vanish. To fly to Sam or Dean before she questioned me again, but before I could truly consider it, her fingers were under my chin again, lifting my face so she could look into my eyes questioningly.

"You're not jealous, are you?" A smile hinted at the edges of her mouth, and her eyes shimmered as they had before. The warm feeling I felt earlier seemed to return, and my knees suddenly felt wobbly again.

"Jealous?"

She studied me closely, standing on tip-toe to look intently into my eyes. I gazed back shamefully, but when her own eyes widened in near amazement, she spoke again, her voice light, not a bit of negativity heard. "You _are_ jealous. Castiel, isn't that a sin or something?"

I swallowed and blinked morosely. "Envy is one of the deadliest sins, Ellie."

She placed a hand on my shoulder to steady herself as she lowered herself back onto her heels. "When did this start?"

I shook my head in consideration, trying to think. "I don't know. My bond to you is exceedingly strong. I'd thought it to be as deep as I could afford after all this time. These past months that I've visited so little have been harsh on me. During the past year I've barely even been able to help the Winchesters and…" I trailed off, trying to get my thoughts in order as pressure came in from every side. I took a breath and tried to speak more slowly.

"There's been so much happening at once. So much to balance together. I've been away from you because I've so much responsibility, but the entire time I've missed you terribly and worried about you every moment, just as I have Sam and Dean, even though you're in far less danger than they by comparison." I let out a shaky breath and avoided seeing Ellie's expression. "I don't know what it was just now. All I could think was that you never looked at me like that after all this time. I wanted you to. I wanted you to feel that way around me. I want that smile to be-"

I knew I'd been rambling again, as I often did when I was flustered. I still blamed my lack of understanding for humans, my foolish over thinking, and my constant second guessing of myself. I should have stopped myself before I'd gone too far. Even still, this time, I was thankful that I'd said the things I had, no matter how irrational or wrong they were.

All I knew about that moment was one second I couldn't stop myself from talking, and the next, she was kissing me.

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><p><em>To be continued. Writing the next couple chapters is going to be intense. Please review?<em>


	7. Chapter VII

_Don't worry, the fluff doesn't last too long. __Also, I do have a mature rated version of this chapter sitting on my desktop that I don't know what to do with. Let me know if you think I should post it as a separate fic._

_**Update:** I've posted the mature version of this chapter (rated for sexual content) for those of you interested. Find it by searching "Soccer Doesn't Impress Me" on my page. :)_

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><p><em>You are the one, the one that lies close to me,<br>__Whispers 'Hello, I miss you quite terribly,'  
>I fell in love, in love with you suddenly,<br>Now there's nowhere else I would be but here in your arms...  
>~HelloGoodbye<em>

I'm sure I don't need to say that it took me by surprise. However, this was the second time I'd ever been spontaneously tackled by a woman and had her lips pressed against mine. I'm not bragging, I promise. It was just becoming an unusual pattern.

Ellie's lips felt differently than Meg's had. They were a bit thinner, and not as smooth, but they were warmer, and gentler. The kiss had taken me off guard, and I'd stopped in the middle of my sentence as she'd reached out suddenly and wrapped her hands around the back of my neck, before firmly pressing her mouth to mine.

I froze the moment it happened, opening my eyes wide in shock, only to find Ellie's squeezed tightly shut. I waited a moment, expecting her to pull away as Meg had, but when she stayed close and only slightly moved her lips against mine, I didn't know what action to take.

My mind whirled for a of couple short seconds as I wondered how to react. I thought back to how I'd handled the situation last, but treating her as I had the demon girl seemed extremely inappropriate when I briefly considered it. Dean and I had had a conversation later about the video I'd found on his laptop, and that it wasn't the best way to go about getting girls "on the off chance that I ever had the opportunity." During the conversation I hadn't actually inquired as to what was appropriate.

In those very short moments of panic, I couldn't think of a proper way to react to Ellie's advance and put my hands to her shoulders pushing her away from me. Probably more roughly than I intended. She pulled away gasping before looking up at me with hurt in her eyes. I could have dammed myself right then and there, but before I could think to apologize, she'd dropped her gaze and put her hands to her hair.

"I'm so sorry," she blurted out, her eyes darting around the floor. "I'm sorry, I didn't think. I shouldn't have done that! Oh, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks!" She squeezed her eyes shut and stomped her foot down once.

Blinking rapidly, I tried to find my words. "Ellie, I apologize, I… I just…"

"I'm sorry, Castiel," she interrupted "please don't go." She took her hands from her hair and put them to my wrists, pulling my hands up in front of her. "Please don't, I just didn't think. I mean I thought you wanted… Oh, bollocks!"

"I did!" I spoke it loudly and ended up snapping my mouth shut as she darted her eyes up to mine questioningly. "I did," I managed out again. "I just didn't know how to react. I'm sorry."

"No, no," she said, lowering her eyes again and shaking her head, her voice still high and fast-paced. "I shouldn't have just jumped on you, it was a stupid thing to do. I should have known better. I just have had these feelings building up in me for so long and I haven't known what to do about them, I mean, Christ, you're an angel. I worry about you constantly, I only feel normal when you're around, which is ridiculous but true, and then you go and say something about feeling attached and worried about me, and of course my stupid, female mind is jumping to conclu-"

She talked fast, but all I heard was the emotion in her words, and the next moment I couldn't stop myself. I dipped my head, pressing my lips against hers as she had done to me, taking note to be gentle. I left my hands at my sides, not wanting to do something wrong with them, and closed my eyes in hope that I wasn't about to be shoved away as I'd done to her.

Instead, Ellie's rambling ceased and her body almost immediately relaxed. I felt her warm hands against my face before her fingers tangled into my vessel's hair. The feeling of it was almost weakening. I heard a low moan and realized that it was coming from myself as I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

Ellie pulled away a few moments later and I copied her, not wanting to seem foolish by persisting. She kept her eyes closed and leaned her forehead against my own, breathing deeply.

My heart was pounding, and in those moments of being so close to her, all I wished was to adhere to her. She put a hand up to tug gently at my tie, loosening it around my neck and looked up into my face. "Cas," she whispered, trailing off to look down at our feet. "Are you-"

I reached out a bit, touching her other hand that was hanging limply at her side. "No."

Ellie stirred lifted her eyes back up to mine. Her face was serious, but her eyes were shining. She stepped close to me, reached up a hand, and pulled me down to kiss her again...

Elizabeth stirred, groaning softly, and a strand of hair fell lazily into her face. She snorted through her nose and shook her head, attempting to move it away, only for it to fall right back over her eyes. She let out a growl of annoyance, moving to pull her hands out from under the blanket over her, but I reached down and gently tucked the strand behind her ear.

Ellie's eyes fluttered open, her brow furrowed in question. Her brown eyes searched the living room for a moment, before moving up to my face. "Cas," she groaned out with a smile. I offered her a small smile and she pulled her arms around my middle tighter, taking a moment to tug at my jacket. "When did you put your clothes back on? I didn't feel you move."

"I didn't," I replied, my voice huskier than normal. Shifting, I cleared my throat.

She wiggled again and seemed confused. The strand of hair fell back into her face. "Celestial entity super powers?"

"Is that what you call it?"

She giggled a bit, and pulled the blanket over her nose. "It sounded better than saying Jimmy's suit is your avatar's default setting."

I tilted my head. "Pardon?"

"A girl at work got me into Warcraft." She paused before shaking her head. "Nothing. At least you left your trench coat off."

I closed my eyes as she nuzzled her face into my jacket, and ran my fingers through her hair. Moment's passed, and I reminded myself that I needed to leave. I'd been gone from Heaven for hours and it was nagging in the back of my mind. An itch I couldn't scratch. Yet, a few more minutes with her couldn't hurt. It was the first time I'd felt fully sane in days.

Ellie stirred again and I looked back down to see her face distorted into confusion. "What is it?"

She poked her tongue out the slightest bit to wet her lips. "I saw something. I keep trying to decide if I dreamed it, but I don't think I did."

"Dreamed what?"

Her brow furrowed again in thought. "I think... I think I saw your wings. At the end. You know, when I…" She trailed off and her distant eyes studied my tie.

"I understand," I said stoically.

"Do you think I imagined it?" Her voice came muffled from under the blanket as she pulled it back over her face.

I shook my head. "No. Though I have no knowledge to assume that it has ever happened before. This is the first time anything like this has happened."

She reached out a hand to fiddle absentmindedly with my tie and I lifted my own to caress her wrist. "What? An angel being with a human?"

"An angel falling in love with an angel," I corrected gently. She lifted her eyes to mine, wide and bright as she scrutinized my face. "Particularly one with her Grace missing," I finished, and Ellie's face fell. She went back to studying my tie.

"Though there is a story," I said quietly, turning to look out the window. Sometime in the last few minutes it had started raining and drops were pelting softly at the glass. "You may have heard it before, as it was told by humans. It was said that there were once two angels who met in Heaven and fell deeply in love. Their passion for one another was stronger even than that of their love for God, and for that, God punished them. He separated them across the universe so that they might forget one another with time, but instead, they became so desperate for each other that they began moving the stars and planets to make a bridge so they would someday meet in the middle. The story was suppose to be the creation of your-"

"Milky Way," she finished. "I have heard that before." She tugged at my jacket again. "It's not true?"

I pulled my gaze back to her and looked at her morosely. "No," I said quietly. "The last angel that moved the stars out of passion hated humans. He tore Heaven apart until he was banished from it, and took all those who stood by him along with him."

"Lucifer."

I nodded and looked back out the window.

Ellie pulled her arms out from under the blanket, and lifted herself up, her hands on either side of me. She pulled herself closer to me and looked me in the eyes. "Maybe I did see your wings. It was only for an instant, but they've said before that it is while in the throws of ecstasy that you are closest to Heaven." She met my eyes. "They almost seemed to flicker around you, outlined with light. You were wrong about the color though."

I leaned forward brushing my forehead against hers. "Then, please. Correct me."

She grinned and blew a lock of wavy hair out of her face. "Well, they aren't mousy like you said. They're more sandy. Mousy implies the color not being vibrant, like…" She pulled a strand of hair in front her, and held it up to my face. "Like this."

"I like that color."

She dropped the strand and smiled. "Me too. Though I must say, I like blue a lot better."

I narrowed my eyes in thought. "I don't think my Father has made that a possibility yet."

Ellie grinned her second long grin and leaned forward a bit, planting a kiss over one of my eyes. "Not for hair, anyway," she said quietly. Shrinking down into the space between myself and the couch cushions she rested her head on my chest again, closing her eyes.

"Ellie," I said gently, "I must leave."

"I know," she replied, her voice morose. "Just not yet. Please."

I thought a moment and let out a sigh. I was sure Rachel and the others could handle things while I was away. I lead them, but they'd fought along side me long enough to know what actions to take. Nodding in acceptance, I rested my head back against the arm of the sofa. I would leave soon, but not yet. Maybe I would even sleep a bit and hope to refresh my mind.

In that short amount of time, nothing could happen...

_The rain was something that Aristel never tired of and I watched her curiously as she walked ahead of me, stepping through puddles, and catching the drops on her wings to watch them run off in streams. _

_"You really think it's gloomy," she asked glancing back at me once._

_"Maybe gloomy isn't the right word," I replied, pushing my glasses up my nose. "I just prefer sunny days."_

_"With the right amount of wind."_

_"Why do you say that," I asked with a tilt of my head. _

_She stopped and turned to my way, waiting for me to catch up. "The Heaven you prefer. It was just a guess."_

_"You're right," I replied with a light sigh. "Though that makes me realize that I've never seen your preferred Heaven."_

_Aristel's face was calm, as she gave a small shrug. "I have more than a few. Though my absolute favorite belongs to a boy that died of tuberculosis when he was nine years old." She smiled then. "He spends eternity playing with a little girl that lived across the street from him. He was quite smitten with her."_

_A smile tugged at my lips. "I should have known it'd be something like that."_

_"Indeed, you should have. Two thousand years and you still haven't opened up to me."_

_I gazed at her from over my glasses. "How do you mean?"_

_She stopped and looked around at the black umbrellas passing us by. "Well," she started with a sigh, "When you've been close to the humans as long as I have, you begin to feel a great deal. I can't even remember how many vessels I've had before Margaret here. I'm a lot more sensitive to emotion than most angels because I've had so many, and I've been around humans so long. You, Castiel, you have many different roles in Heaven. What is your full title again? Castiel, Commander of Heaven's Fifth Army, Guardian of Thursday, Ruler of Jupiter, and…?"_

_"Protector of the Weary Traveler," I finished. _

_Aristel nodded. "Exactly. You have other responsibilities aside from watching over man. You haven't been here nearly as much as I have, or had a human vessel for that long. They have a way of bringing out all of this… emotion if you let them." She gazed off for a moment. "Beautiful, terrifying, incredible emotion."_

_I tilted my head. "So, that is why you feel so strongly for them," I speculated, "because the vessels allow you to be more in tune to human feelings. Do the others feel like this?"_

_She nodded. "Most of us. Archangels such as yourself each have a different way of experiencing your emotion for humans because of your different rolls. Raphael," she said with a slight scowl, "is the warrior. His love for humans is minimal. He might as well be a Seraphim. Michael, is more loving of humans than any of us. His love for God outshines it which is why he is so strict. That's somewhat you're situation as well, it seems."_

_I adjusted the rim of my fedora. "What do you mean by my situation?"_

_Aristel gave me a sad grin. A small twitch of her mouth that lasted no longer than a second. "The 'Ruler of Jupiter,' Cas? There's a reason you were given that role by our father. There's a constant storm in you that keeps you so devoted. I can see it leak out every now and then. Little drops of it."_

_I narrowed my eyes in thought, but she continued, giving me no room to object. "Anyway, simple angels such as myself feel differently. We are all the same, all with a special love for them."_

_"Then why is yours so profound," I asked flatly, looking at her from over my glasses._

_Aris grinned another second long grin before her face went solemn. She gazed out into the street, looking admirably at London Bridge. "Maybe it's the way I was created. Then again, maybe I've been talking to someone."_

_I opened my mouth to speak then, but the wave of dread came over us._

_Aristel turned with me as I looked over my shoulder, only to see a young woman coming nervously out of a red telephone booth. She glanced around anxiously, waves of fear coming off of her, before she began walking quickly in the opposite direction. Not moments later, a shifty looking man walked right between us, unaware of our presence, filling the air with malevolence. _

_"Oh, no," Aristel whispered, her voice filled with anxiety. _

_Focussing, I quickly entered the man's mind. "He's been following her for a few blocks. He was watching her in the pub she just left."_

_I'd barely finished the last sentence before Aris vanish from my side and appeared far ahead on the street corner, watching the woman as she neared her. I appeared beside her, glancing at her once and noting that she was chewing on her bottom lip. _

_"Aris," I whispered, "don't-"_

_I couldn't finnish before the man suddenly swept up from behind the girl, covering her mouth, and grabbing the back of her hair. The girl screamed through his fingers, but he yanked hard on her ponytail, cutting her off. She was struggling, but to no avail as the man began back up quickly, pulling her toward an alleyway just behind them. _

_"Castiel," Aristel gasped out, her voice on edge._

_"I know," I said, vanishing from her side to appear in the alley. _

_He already had the girl shoved against the wall, behind a trash bin, and was whispering violent words through his teeth. The girl trembled and squeezed her eyes shut as cries escaped her throat. I reached my grace out to her, and she stopped crying, attempting to fight the man off again, only to be slammed back into the wall. _

_Reaching for his belt, he sneered into her face, as tears of pain slid down the woman's cheeks and she cried through his fingers. _

_An intensely bright, white light filled the alleyway, and I caught a glimpse of Aristel at it's opening, her palm outstretched. Before I could react, the light exploded outward, and the man went sailing backward into the alley, his head connecting with the back wall with a sickening crack. _

_The woman looked about in terror for a moment before racing out into the street, shouting to anyone who could hear her for help._

_I spun to Aristel who was standing with her hand still outstretched, shock painted across her face. "Cas," she whispered, looking down at herself, "What did I…?"_

_"Aris," I managed out, my voice seeming distant, "why?" _

_Her eyes snapped back up to mine. "You saw what he was going to do. He wasn't going to stop at just that, and you know it. He was going to do so, so much worse, like he's done to others! I was reaching out to him, doing everything I could, and he wouldn't stop!"_

_Somewhere from under my feet, a low humming began. Dim, and growing. _

_"There's nothing we could have done," I said earnestly. "We can't interfere like that, it goes against every rule of free will."_

_She was shaking her head in panic, and I stared at her in pure shock as actual tears welled up in her eyes. "I couldn't let him do it. I couldn't just let it happen again, I've tried before with others and each time it was torture."_

_The ground was beginning to rumble, almost quake beneath my feet, and from somewhere above us came another deep humming that resonated through my chest._

_"Aristel, it happens all of the time, but there's nothing we can do about it," I spoke loudly over the growing noise. " There is a place for those who choose the path of evil. We aren't the ones who are allowed to judge, we are only here to help without interference!"_

_The shaking beneath our feet grew more intense, and the humming almost drowned out her cries as she yelled through the alleyway. "So many good people suffer, Castiel! If that's all we are allowed to do then what's the point in even existing with this purpose?! Damn the rules, and damn God! Damn him straight to hell!"_

_The rumbling stopped, and the humming ceased with it. Silence fell over the alleyway in a blanket, and not even the noise from the street was heard. Aristel was staring behind me, her face blank, and her body had gone slack with resignation. I turned slowly, following her gaze, but I didn't have to look hard to see what she was staring at. _

_"Castiel, Aristel," Raphael said evenly, his voice holding no emotion. "Who has done this?"_

_I looked back to Aris. She glanced nervously between myself and our brother, her eyes shifting, before she finally lowered her eyes to the ground. _

_"I see," Raphael said, his voice cold. His black wings ruffled with indifference. "Castiel, you should report to Heaven and request audience with Arizael, so you might report the incident. He stepped past me, brushing my shoulder. "Aristel, you are to come with me to report to Archangel Michael. He will decide what to do with you for your insubordination." He held out his hand. _

_"Brother," I started "She didn't mean-"_

_"That's enough, Castiel," he interrupted evenly. His voice was calm and he didn't bother turning to look me in the eye. I suddenly felt small and closed my mouth, nodding once in understanding._

_"Aristel. Come." My brother gazed at her without emotion, still holding out his hand, palm facing skyward. _

_Aristel looked to me, her eyes asking for help, and I dropped my gaze. I felt her shame radiate from her, disappointment in her self filling her to the brim._

_A moment later there was another bright flash that lasted only a second. When I looked back up, Raphael and Aristel were gone, and I was standing alone in the dark alleyway._

_Somewhere in the distance, echoing through the damp city, sirens could be heard._

I jolted awake from sleep, squinting slightly from the light on Ellie's desk. I sat up, looking about, noting the cat sitting on the windowsill, busily licking it's paws. Glancing out the window, I saw that it had stopped raining, and the sun still wasn't up. Ellie wasn't beside me on the sofa.

Throwing the blanket aside, I stood from the cushions and glanced about. "Ellie?"

My voice went unanswered, and I walked into the bedroom, flipping on the light. I found it empty, but moved to the bathroom door on the opposite wall, knocking gently. Again I received no answer, and a mild sense of worry came over me. There was no way she could have anywhere to be this late at night. Coming out from her bedroom, I entered the kitchen and froze in my tracks.

Enochian symbols covered the walls. They were written in blood, of all sizes, and structured in the right to left style legible to all angels. The message was clear, and it was very fresh.

_She is of the blasphemous fallen. In the name of God, her chastisement shall be eternal._

Fear gripped me by the throat, coming to me in a terrifying rush. "No. No, no, no." In a panic I vanished from the apartment, appearing out in the street under one of the lamps. "Ellie, please no."

I hurriedly looked about, spinning in a circle as the panic rose high into my throat. Whoever had written the symbols on the wall had been there mere minutes before I'd woken from sleep. Even in that short amount of time any angel could be on the other side of the universe by now. I should have been awake to protect her.

Anger began to rise at that thought. Anger at myself. Anger at the war above me, the angels who I fought against, and the Archangel that lead them. Why couldn't something just stay right? I strode out into the middle of the street, opening my wings against the London wind. "Alright," I shouted, hearing my voice echo through the empty streets. "You've got my attention! Where are you, you bastard?!"

"Miss your girlfriend, Castiel?"

I spun at the sneer from behind me, my eyes falling on one of my brothers, ash-grey wings folding neatly behind him. He grinned malevolently at me from behind leering, hazel eyes, blade held at his side.

I glared back at him, taking a deep breath to calm myself. I summoned my own blade, feeling it slide from my sleeve and into my hand. "Puriel, where is she?"

"You're little darling is a convict, Cas," he sneered. "She's a dirty, filthy, little retch, and she'll burn for all the sins she's committed against us."

"Shut up," I barked. "Tell me where she is. Raphael sent you to take her, just to get to me, I know it. Well, you have my attention, now where is she?"

Puriel snickered, twisting his sword in his hand. "You're such a pathetic little cherub, you know that? Blindsided by filthy, human feelings, so easily instigated by the stinking vessel you reside it. Look at yourself. Rebelled against all of Heaven for a couple of foolish boys that you let sweet talk you, and now fornicating with a sinful, little whore like her. She always was crazy, but it'd be just like you to defend her."

My wings thrust me forward as I flew towards him, slamming his body into the building behind him with a loud crash. Brick and dust cascaded down around us, as we exploded through the wall. Puriel landed heavily on his back, skidding across the floor of what seemed to be a post office. I raced to land on top of him, raising my blade in the air, which was countered as my opponent raised his own over his head with both hands. Steel clashed together, ringing through the room as I landed over him, pressing my sword against his until his own was nearly touching his face.

"Where is she," I snarled through my teeth as Puriel struggled against me, one hand on either side of his sword as he pushed upward.

"It's your own fault that you don't know," he replied with a laugh. "You marked her so we couldn't find her, but you were too stupid to stay away. We tracked you right to her, and now you've got no idea where she could be."

My palms began to glow with white light, even through gripping my sword. "I'll ask one more time, brother. Where?"

Puriel gasped as I pressed harder and his hands fell back against the floor, his own blade suddenly pressed against his throat. A small, glimmer of light leaked from his neck as it created the smallest cut on his skin. "Alright," he shouted. "I'm no match for an Archangel, even one as insignificant as you." He let out another gasp as the sliver of light grew slightly wider. "I'm just a messenger anyway!"

"Then speak, dog!"

He glared up at me in fury, gritting his teeth together. "You want to find your precious Aristel? The warehouse where the beautiful room was held. You know, the one where you murdered five of our brothers for your Winchester boys."

I pulled my blade from his and swiftly swiped it across his wrists, leaving glowing slashes over them. Puriel let out a scream and his sword fell from his grasp. Not wasting a second, I stood, gripping him by his collar, picking him up and slamming him into the far wall. He let out a whimper and squeezed his eyes shut.

"You'd better not be lying to me," I growled into his face, "or I will do far worse than kill you."

"You're not going to be alive to have the chance," he gasped.

Throwing him back into the wall, I reached down and snatched up his blade, calling both it and my own back as I opened my wings.

I knew I was flying right into a trap, but somehow, it didn't matter to me in the slightest. Without Ellie in the world, there wouldn't be one worth fighting for.

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><p><em>To be continued. I would adore reviews for this chapter. I had lots of fun writing it. Thanks again for reading!<em>


	8. Chapter VIII

_I know, I suck. Don't worry, I'm sticking with this title, I like it better than just song names. Also, my bad for the chapter 8 confusion last time. I was doing a full document edit, my trackpad went haywire, and I ended up posting chapter seven a second time. I deleted it right away, but still, sorry for the mess and for the long wait. As you can see, I added lyrics to the chapters. A lot have songs have helped me write this, and I thought I'd share._

_Also, as a reminder, I've posted the "M Rated" version of chapter seven as a separate story entitled "Soccer Doesn't Impress Me." Go check it out if you're up for awkward, sexy fluff. _

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><p><em>I'm an angel with a shotgun,<br>__Fighting 'til the war is won,  
><em>_I don't care if Heaven wont take me back.  
><em>_I'd throw away my faith, babe,  
><em>_Just to keep you safe,  
><em>_Don't you know you're everything I have…  
><em>_~The Cab_

The warehouse was dark when I alighted outside, save for a dim glow emitting from the windows.

I hadn't considered what I was going to do when I'd arrived. Quite frankly, the moment Puriel had told me where they were holding her, I had contemplating bursting through the ceiling, blades flashing, grace burning, but it crossed my mind that that wouldn't be the brightest idea. Raphael would more than likely be the one guarding her, being I was now his equal in power. On top of that, bursting in in such a matter wasn't exactly my style. I'd seen Dean do it more than once, and it usually never ended in his favor.

I hesitated outside the side door, considering everything. What if Ellie wasn't here? Puriel could have easily lied, and were I walking into a trap as I expected, she could already be dead, or worse. My heart skipped a beat at the thought, and my hands clenched into fists.

I wouldn't know until I saw for myself. I reached out to the doorknob, twisting it until it stopped, and pushed it open. Cautiously, I stepped into the darkness.

Angels stood array throughout the hangar, all facing my direction, displayed as shadowy figures in the low light. I couldn't make out any of their faces with my human eyes, but my Grace allowed me to see each of them in their true light. Some of them I knew well, had been close to, and had fought beside for centuries. Some had even been under my command. Others I knew not at all.

Raphael stood at the far end of the hanger, her hands clasped in front of her as she gazed me down indifferently. Behind her, a ring of holy fire surrounded Elizabeth, who'd been sitting in the center of it with her legs tucked under her. She'd stood up as she'd seen me enter and was fidgeting nervously, shifting her eyes from me to the angels around me.

"Castiel," Rapheal said in a careless tone. "How good of you to make it. I almost didn't recognize you without that dirty trench coat of yours."

I stepped forward, walking into the center of the hangar as I ignored my sister's comment. None of the other angels moved, but their eyes followed me dangerously. Ellie watched me closely, nervousness dancing in her eyes as she chewed on her bottom lip.

I stopped a few feet in front of Raphael, meeting her eyes as she still gazed at me with heartless indifference. "What are you doing, sister," I asked straightforwardly.

The hint of a smirk came across her face and she shifted her weight in bored manner. "Whatever do you mean, little brother? I'm just playing the game."

I took my eyes away from her and look towards the girl standing in the ring of fire. "Ellie, are you all right?"

She managed a weak smile, and nodded. "Yes. Now that you're here."

I tried to give her small smile in return but a chuckle came from Raphael, and I looked back to her with a glare.

"How pathetic, Castiel. You've sunk to an all new low. How long have you been performing such sinful acts with this little witch?"

I ignored her sneer and assessed the situation. "Why is she in that ring? She's not an angel any longer, it has no power over her."

An array of quiet laughter went up around me from the angels still standing throughout the hangar. Raphael smiled. "I'm afraid that isn't the case, dear brother. You see, she is very much in its power, as long as I have this."

Reaching into her suit jacket pocket, she pulled forth a small, glowing, crystal vile. It was almost identical to the one that held Anna's grace, and glowed in the same fashion. The moment she pulled it forth I recognized it.

My wings stiffened and my breath caught in my throat. "How did you get that?"

My older sister let out another deep chuckle. "Get it? Castiel, this has been in my possession for years. The moment we were able to locate her's and Anna Milton's we retrieved them both. Aristel's here was found under the Atlantic Ocean. An entire coral reef had developed in days because of it's presence."

I took a breath to calm myself, my fists clenching again. "The fact that you have it means nothing. Using it on her would only destroy her body, and then the Holy Fire would be of no matter."

"What?!" Ellie's voice rang out in the silence and I turned to her in earnest.

"Don't worry, I won't let that happen," I said reassuringly. She hugged herself around the middle and mouthed to me frantically, 'Destroy my body?' I shook my head and held up a hand to calm her.

Raphael rolled her eyes as I looked back to her. "Now now, Castiel. While that would normally be true, I'm afraid that we've taken steps to assure her to stay here. The sigils that we've etched into her shoulders should suffice to keep her body intact if her grace is released, and that should keep her here just fine."

"What," I growled out questioningly, contempt filling me quickly. "What did you do to her?"

She turned from me and over her shoulder to Ellie, glaring at her impatiently. "Well, then? Show him."

I looked back to Elizabeth who still held herself nervously. She looked at me with shame in her eyes before reaching up to her shoulder, pulling the loose sleeve of her oversized sweater up. There, carved into her skin as the larger sigil on my chest had been, was a small, Enochian symbol. The skin around it was risen and pink, the cuts scabbed over slightly. A smudge of red ran down her arm from where she'd been bleeding and it had smeared.

She pulled her sleeve back up over her shoulder and peered at me reassuringly. 'It's okay' she mouthed with a light smile, and I nodded stiffly, turning back to my sister. She grinned at me malevolently.

"I'm sure you know that that should suffice to keep her intact?"

I focussed on keeping myself composed, trying to ignore her smug grin. "What is it you're after, Raphael? You wouldn't have kept me alive for this long unless you didn't want to negotiate something. Tell me."

Raphael smiled then. "It's very simple. You agree to pledge loyalty to me and work under my orders, and your precious little retch goes free. If you refuse, I return Aristel's grace to her, and then," her smiled vanished and her voice became vicious, "I will drag her back to Heaven to undergo her punishment that is so very overdo for her treason thirty years ago, and it won't stop until this war between us is over." Her smile returned. "I'm sure you remember her escape that you failed to stop?"

Ellie's voice rang through the hangar again, soft and questioning. "… What?"

I avoided her eyes, keeping my gaze on my sister. "And if I refuse to let either of those things happen?"

Raphael looked at me, her face growing dark. "Then we will kill the two of you where you stand."

"Sister," said a confident voice from behind me, clothed in a Spanish accent, "Why don't we just kill them both now? Then Castiel will be out of our way and we can continue where we left off. We can forget about this petty war of his."

Raphael's eyes only flickered behind me. "As much as that would be a simple way to end things, Sariel, there are reasons we cannot simply end things in that abrupt of a manner."

"I don't see how," the voice continued, and I was suddenly aware of someone standing close to me. From the corner of my eye I saw Ellie go rigid, and then the sharp end of a angel's blade ran down my back. "We could be rid of his pesky interference and continue with God's true plan, no?"

"You know nothing, of God's plan, Sariel," I murmured, turning to look at her from over my shoulder.

She cocked her head, her dark hair falling over one of her equally dark eyes. "Oh, but you do? How is that, hermano? How is it that you, the lonely little Angel of Thursday, knows so much about what God wants?"

"He has resurrected me twice, I have faith he will do it again if necessary."

A dark laugh came from her, though I felt her remove her blade from my back. "Faith. Well, Castiel, why don't we see how well your faith pulls through for you. Right now."

A hand went to my hair, ripping my head back, and silver flashed in front of my face. Ellie's voice rang out through the hangar again. I raised my hands in defense, grabbing a hold of her wrist but she pulled tighter on my hair and pressed her blade closer to my face.

"Sariel, please, I don't want to do this," I gasped out.

"Why not," she sneered. "You're not afraid of your little hermana, are you?"

From in front of me, Raphael let out a disinterested sigh. I was aware that some of the other angels had moved closer, though most of them were watching with passive concern.

"I don't want to fight you," I managed out. "Please."

She scowled and pulled on my hair, yanking me back farther and sinking to her knees as I slipped on the cement floor and fell back against it, catching myself only on my elbows. From the corner of my eye, I saw Ellie at the edge of the Holy Fire ring, anxiously watching.

"Don't give me that sympathetic mierda, Castiel. I know you better than anyone here. If you cared about any of us you'd take this chance to make things right!"

"That's what I'm trying to do, Sariel," I whispered gently, looking up into her face. She glared menacingly and opened her mouth to speak again.

"Sariel, that will be quite enough," Raphael spoke cooly. "Castiel knows the conditions, he simply must decide on which is more important to him." She gazed down at me with power brimming in her eyes. "Well, then, Castiel? We haven't got all the time in the world. I'll be ending it soon, regardless of how this night ends for you. What is your choice: continue this senseless battle and have your Aristel undergo her punishment, or agree to fight beside us and follow through with God's true plan?"

I met her eyes from over Sariel's blade. "I don't understand, sister," I growled. "Why not just kill both of us as Sariel suggested? It would be far easier for you."

My brother seemed bored as she shook his head. "Castiel, you and I know that for whatever reason, you were returned from death twice already. One that was even by my own hand. While I'm not certain for what purpose you were returned, I can only guess it would happen to you again, and then you would return with twice the fury from the death of your little retch here." She moved forward, crouching down by my feet. "The Apocalypse has been in God's plan for millenniums, Cas. A puny little thing like you isn't going to change that, whether you think that is why you were returned, or not."

"Then why was I returned," I asked evenly. "Why not Michael instead?"

Raphael grinned smugly. "That isn't my concern, brother. Though perhaps we shall find a reason after the true battle has been fought. Michael and Lucifer will fight again, and we along side Michael. Until then, I shall make the decisions. Right now it is time for you to make yours." She stood, stepping back a few paces.

Sariel's grip tightened on my hair, and I winced, shifting my eyes to Ellie. She stood holding herself at the edge of the ring, gazing down at me with worry. 'No,' she mouthed with a shake of her head. 'Don't.'

I tried hoisting myself up on my elbows a bit more, but Sariel's blade was suddenly in my face again. She was glaring down at me with scorn in her eyes, almost hatred.

I looked back to Ellie who shook her head more vigorously, her eyes pleading, and then to Raphael who met my gaze expressionlessly. "You'll really let her go?"

She nodded once accompanied with a casual shrug. "Of course."

My eyes went back to the girl standing nervously in the ring of fire. She shook her head more vigorously, and went down on her knees, as if to beg. 'No. Please.'

I shifted my eyes about in panic before closing them to think. I couldn't manage either decision. Allowing Ellie to go only meant that the Apocalypse would take her later, and I would be a part of it. I'd be letting her down, I'd be betraying Sam and Dean, and I'd be lying to myself. If I refused, Ellie would be taken from me and would undergo a brutal punishment. Who knew what was to happen to her after her grace was returned? She may not even be Ellie anymore. How could I get through without her?

"It's time to choose, Cas," my older sister's voice rang out.

"Yes, and I'm getting tired of waiting," Sariel hissed, jerking on my hair again. "Just let me kill him now and then her. We'll just waste him again if he even returns."

I squeezed my eyes shut as panic rose higher in me. If I were to join them again and let Ellie go, she would lose faith in me. I'd be letting her down either way. I had to decide what was best for the greater good. I had to go through with what I knew my father had returned me for.

Yet, I couldn't let her go. Whether she hated me for it or not, I couldn't.

I took a deep breath, turning to look at the girl in the ring again, who peered at me through watery eyes. A familiar lump rose in my throat.

There was a loud clang and a metallic creaking that echoed through the hangar, bouncing obnoxiously off of the walls in a noisy echo. Ellie took her hands from around herself and put them to her ears, cringing at the sound. Her eyes darted to the other end of the room, and from the corner of my eye, I saw Raphael turn the same way in surprise.

Light from the street lamps outside pooled into the large area, lighting up the whole room. Sariel turned on her heels and I suddenly felt her hand release my hair as she let out a gasp.

A shadow fell across the wall behind Ellie, the shape of a man, equipped with large, widely spread wings.

I felt his presence before I heard his voice, and every bit of me tingled with disbelief. I only accepted the feeling to be real when his words rang out through the room, echoing eerily off of the metallic walls.

"Geez Louise, look at this little get together, huh? Yet, you all wonder why I'm embarrassed to talk about my family."

The silence was overwhelming. No one moved.

Gingerly, I sat up from the ground and stood just behind Sariel who was staring incredulously towards the other end of the hanger where the main doors had been spread open. I looked to Raphael, only to see that her expression had moved from shock into a dark leering, her black wings held stiff and slightly open at her back.

"What are you guys, Terracotta Army," Gabriel asked with a scoff. "Not even a hug from anyone." His own, golden wings folded neatly behind him as he stepped forward, walking fearlessly, casually, through the ranks of angels still spread out through the room. Eyes followed him in amazement, some of them even furious, as he weaved easily through the group, right up to Raphael.

"Well, little... sis," Gabriel said with a grin, "New suit, I see. Happy to see me?"

Raphael stiffened but held Gabriel's gaze. "This is impossible," she answered, her voice a low growl.

"Well, I wouldn't have thunk that, what with Cassie having been brought back a good handful of times now." I was surprised when he turned to me expectantly. "How many times have you been snapped back here, Cas? Eight, ten?"

"Two," I replied dumbly. Guh.

"Same difference," Gabriel said with a wave of his hand as he turned back to Raphael. "You didn't think Dad only brought him back, did you? He's about as useful as a box of gummy worms." He snickered at his own joke.

Raphael shook her head in disbelief, a scowl still eminent behind her eyes. "Where have you been? Why are you here now?"

Gabriel shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Where I've always been. You didn't think that just because I was resurrected, I would come running home. Hate to break it to you, but I'm kinda-sorta happy where I am these days." He walked casually over to the ring of Holy Fire, pacing around it once, Ellie following him with her eyes. Stopping in front of her, he held out a hand and gave her a wink and sly smile. "Hey, cutie. I'm Gabriel."

Ellie looked to me curiously instead of taking his hand, and he glanced back to me before turning back and putting his hand back in his pocket. "My bad. Didn't know you were with the nerdy one."

He turned back to Raphael then, his face suddenly serious. "As for what I'm doing now, I'm here to put a stop to this little party of yours."

The raven winged angel paused, searching Gabriel's eyes before speaking. "You can't be serious. You would choose sides with this fallen disgrace?" Her eyes glanced to me for a moment and I narrowed my own.

"I don't choose sides with anyone anymore, bucko," Gabriel replied impatiently. "Not with angels at least. I'm just a big fan of the human race. If I had to choose a side, you can bet your primary feathers it wouldn't be with you." He glanced to me. "Not that I'm much a fan of your sorry ass, either. This, however," he said looking around the room, "this is out of hand."

Raphael's eyes darkened. "Out of hand?"

"Kidnapping?" He glanced at Ellie, giving her another wink. "You gotta know that's wrong, lil sis."

Raphael stepped forward. "Wrong, you say. You have a lot of nerve bringing up what you feel to be wrong. You completely abandoned your brothers and left Michael and I alone to deal with the chaos below us. Now you reappear to take sides with the one that is trying to foil the plans that have been set for millenniums, and you want to tell me what is wrong and what is right?!"

"Hypocrisy goes both ways, yo," Gabriel said, raising an eyebrow, "and that's all in the past. I'm just here to stop this nonsense. After that, que cera cera. I'm not too worried about the fate of the world anymore."

"Oh, let me guess," Raphael mocked, shifting her weight to her other leg and putting her hands on her hips, "Daddy showed up and clued you in on everything that is to come, and what he wishes of us all?"

Gabriel put his hands in his pockets, a simple smirk spreading across his face. He said nothing, but gazed our sister down from under his eyebrows as though he'd cornered her. A breeze guested through the open door, moving his hair forward. I felt the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stand on end.

Raphael's brow twitched as she waited for him to speak, the gust sweeping her bangs behind her head. When he said nothing, her jaw clenched and her eyes went wide. "Impossible."

Gabriel's smirk grew. "You say that a lot."

The dark winged angel shook her head in spite. "I won't believe these lies of yours. You left Heaven long ago out of disproval, it's no surprise that you would side with this pathetic excuse of a guardian." She flicked her wrist and an archangel's blade slipped out from her sleeve and into her hand. "Go now, and we will spare you. Stay, and you prove yourself unworthy of this family as well."

Gabriel pulled his hands out from his pockets and folded his arms across his chest, his eyes growing defiant. I shifted anxiously watching the pair as they stared each other down with unhindered ferocity. Glancing at Ellie, I saw her fidgeting her feet, gradually moving closer to the edge of the circle of fire, and moved to her, stopping at the edge of the ring to stand beside her, only the low flames between us.

"What's going on," Ellie whispered, her voice barely audible.

I kept my eyes on Gabriel and Raphael as I replied, leaning my head down just a bit so she could hear me. "I have no plausible idea. Are you all right?"

She nodded dismissively at my question. "Who's the man that just walked in?"

"Gabriel."

She glanced up at me in surprise. "The _archangel_?"

I leaned toward her a bit more so my mouth was near her ear, keeping my voice low. "I told you before how he has been missing from Heaven for years. Many of us thought him to be dead originally, though it turns out that he'd simply hidden himself from Heaven to avoid the confrontation of Michael and Lucifer. He must have been brought back after being killed by Lucifer, like me."

"Are they going to fight?"

I didn't answer, but looked around the hangar at her question, seeing the faces all around me, all with nervous eyes, watching the two intently. In front of me, Sariel still held her blade tightly as her eyes darted between them, her eyes narrowed. Looking to Gabriel, I saw his fingers of his right hand flex as he spoke to her.

"I'll give you a chance, Raphael. Release the girl. Castiel isn't of my concern, nor is your silly little war you have going on. Just let the human go, and go on about your business. Sound good, sissy?"

"You're boring me, brother," she answered him flatly. "The affairs of Heaven don't concern you any longer. The girl stays here until we get what we want. Castiel has a decision to make, and hew will make it, or we will destroy her."

From over the holy fire, Ellie grabbed my hand and gripped my fingers tightly. Raphael glanced our way with a smirk before looking back to Gabriel, her face once again dark.

"Now leave, or instead we will destroy you all."

Gabriel tilted his head down, peering dangerously at our sister from under his hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

There was a tense moment as the two stared at each other, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. One of Gabriel's feet shifted behind him as he moved himself into a defensive stance, his huge, golden wings unfurling behind him. Raphael's eyes grew even darker as she moved her hands to her sides.

Giving Ellie's hand a squeeze, I released her and stepped to the side a bit, ready to fight if need be. Focussing, I withdrew Puriel's blade into my offhand, my own slipping into the other. "Get back," I said quietly to Ellie. "Sit in the center of the ring if you can." She nodded in understanding and stepped back from me.

No one moved for another second before the pair of archangels rush at each other, and the air exploded into rings of steal and flashes of white light.

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><p><em>To be continued. Soon. Please review...?<em>


	9. Chapter IX

_I want to thank everyone who has followed/favorited this story so far and to those of you who have bothered reviewing it. It really means a lot. I'm always looking for feedback and love getting comments on it. I'll be doing a full document edit soon to get the last of the bugs out, so forgive me if the next chapter takes some time. Loves to all of you!  
><em>  
><em>Here's another fun fact: While I named Aristel after the goddess Eris, Elizabeth Williams is named after Ellie Shaw, of Prometheus, the prequel to the Alien series. (I'm a huge Riddley Scott fan...)<em>

* * *

><p><em>Inside I'm double blazing,<br>__I know when war is raging_  
><em>I promise, baby, you wont <em>_ever feel a thing_  
><em>And if I fall here,<em>  
><em>At least you know, my dear,<em>  
><em>That I would die for you,<em>  
><em>I promise you won't ever feel a thing...<em>  
><em>~The Script<em>

Gabriel and Raphael were a blur of gold and black as they rushed at each other, but I had no time to watch the battle. The moment they'd moved, the entire room had sprung into action. Sariel whirled on me, silver flashing before my eyes as I leaped back to avoid being slashed in the face. She came at me again with equal intensity, spite flashing in her dark eyes. I drew up Pruiel's blade, blocking her advance, and flipped my own in my hand to slash at her, but she dodged it with impeccable ease.

From the corner of my eye I saw other angels advancing, some of them far too close. A streak of silver flashed in my vision and I felt the sharp edge of a blade pierce against Jimmy's suit jacket. Spinning, I knocked the edge away and wrapped my wrist around the neck of the attacker, shoving my sword through his throat. I ducked as another blade whizzed through the air, aiming for my neck. Spinning so my back was against the angel's chest, I flipped one blade around and thrust it behind me, feeling it sink into their stomach.

Sariel was in front of me again, aiming for my eyes as she slashed. Crossing mine and Puriels' blades in front of my face I barely blocked her fierce attack as the very edge of her own sword cut across my face.

"What's wrong, Castiel," she sneered as she lashed for my throat. "You were once almost the greatest fighter of us all. Spending too much time with those mud monkeys made you clumsy."

I ducked twice and blocked her once, lashing for her neck, but she thrust forward, tangling her own blade with mine. "You don't know what you're saying, Sariel," I said evenly, as she pushed her face towards mine. "You can't expect to follow Raphael without there being consequences."

"Shut up," she growled. "How can you expect to know that God wants you to lead? Raphael has been one rank under Michael decades now. Things are just as they are suppose to be."

I growled with effort as I pushed back against her sword. "This isn't about leading you. Think of Gabriel, Sari." I saw her eyes flicker behind me to the whirlwind of silver and white light where the two, elite archangels fought. "You can't tell me that watching, waiting for Michael to battle Lucifer felt right to you. Why would our father demand them to fight one another? Why would he command that, make that their destiny when it felt wrong to us from the beginning? God wants us to think for ourselves and to stand up for what is right."

Sariel's eyes blinked back to me. "You think it's that simple," she shouted, "but it's not, Cas! Rebellion, free thinking? You sound like Lucifer."

Anger flared inside of me and I broke away from her, lashing out for her face only to miss again as she spun out of the way and appeared by my side, hand risen to pierce the back of my neck. In defense, I spread my wings wide and smacked her, full force from behind, sending her sprawling forward, sliding on her feet.

Sariels own russet wings exploded out from behind her as she slid backwards, keeping her balanced. My breath caught in my throat as I she slowed to a stop inches from the edge of the circle of Holy Fire where Ellie was sitting with her arms around her legs, watching anxiously. As the Angel of Friday neared her, she crossed her fists in front of her face, saving herself from being sprinkled with dust and light embers.

Sariel, her face and arms littered with tiny cuts from the blow from my feathers, glanced behind her a the edge of the circle before turning back to me angrily.

"So, that's how you want to play, is it?" She flapped her own massive wings once, propelling her forward, dark hair flying. Her blade flashed in front of her as she came at me, and I stiffly prepared to defend myself.

As she neared me, her wings twisted in the air, curling around her to shield her from my view. Seconds before landing on the cement, her left wing untwisted from around her and sliced through the air towards me, whistling as it went. The russet blades that were her feathers streaked in front of me as I leaped backwards with a beat of my own. Moments later, as I landed, her other wing seemed to come from nowhere as it swiped through the air and met my shoulder, slicing through Jimmy's jacket and into my arm.

The weight of the blow threw me to the side and I sprawled onto the cement, sliding on the ground until I felt my back slam into the metal wall of the hangar. I heard my blades clang to the floor somewhere yards away from me. My vision blurred and I shook my head to clear it, squeezing my eyes shut in pain. When I reopened them, a ray of white light emitted from my shoulder, an intense burning accompanying it.

I didn't have a moment to recover before the Angel of Friday was standing before me, her black suit making her look like a shadow in the dim light. She reached down, grabbing me by my tie, and lifted with angelic strength. "Get up, captain," she hissed, lifting me to her face and forcing me to meet her dark brown eyes. "I'm disappointed in you. I thought the commander of Thursday's army would be far more of a challenge than this." She threw her arm out, sending me sprawling onto the ground again where I landed heavily on my injured arm with a groan. "Pick up your sword."

My wings beat weakly as I fought myself back to my feet, and when I had my balance, I folded them behind me stiffly and turned to face my sister again. My blade was inches from my feet and I kicked it away with a gasp of pain. "I don't want to fight," I breathed out. "It's pointless, and it's blatantly absurd."

"Fine then," Sariel hissed through clenched teeth. "I'll end this for you quickly." She was a flash of copper and black as her wings pushed her forward once again, and she raced at me with the force of a hurricane.

For a brief moment, everything felt as if it were in slow motion.

Sariel was inches from me in seconds, but the air around us seemed to halt, almost as if it were frozen in time. As the image of her flickered in front of me, her blade risen to pierce my chest, a hot, white light seemed to emanate from everywhere. There was a shriek, a sound that I can only compare to cracking glass, and Sariel's face, only inches from mine was twisted into a sudden look of shock and pain. Her sword dropped from her hand as her body suddenly convulsed, rays of light spilling from her chest and out through her back. They seemed to appear with no cause, one by one, only stopping after her face lost all expression, becoming pale and emotionless. Her wings went limp, and the Angel of Friday fell the few feet from her place in the air and to the ground.

I stumbled back from her as she dropped to her knees, her eyes staring blankly into space before she fell to the side, landing upon the floor in a heap of dead weight. I stared in angst at her lifeless vessel as white light still poured forth from the strange gashes in her chest before fading slowly. I then watched as her wings burst into white fire, quickly disintegrating from the tips of her feathers to the base of her shoulder blades, leaving dark, ashy imprints of them in the stone floor.

Her blank, empty eyes stared emotionlessly at the ceiling above us, and the hangar around me was silent as I dropped my outstretched hand.

Tearing my eyes away from my fallen sister, I looked about the room, meeting the eyes of each of the angels about me. Most of them stood around Gabriel and Raphael who were now situated in front of each other with looks of surprise on their faces, their stances beginning to relax from the fierce battle they were just startled from.

The shock in Gabriel's face was accompanied by a mark of sadness and confusion as he gazed upon me, but Raphael's held an intense glare of anger behind widened eyes.

In a flash, she was in front of me, kneeling down beside Sariel, inspecting her vessel. I was suddenly aware that a lump had risen in my throat and hot tears were brimming in my eyes. I raised an arm and wiped them away with the sleeve of my jacket before she could see. After a moment of scrutiny, Raphael stood up with a shriek and spun on Gabriel.

"You see," she shouted at him furiously. "This is what we are trying to stop. The heartless slaughter of our brothers and sisters, Gabriel. You so often spoke of remorse and compassion for humans. You sought to avoid the battle of ages, the battle that our father demanded of Michael and Lucifer, but this is what comes of defying our father. This is what becomes of compassion for those filthy mud monkeys!" She then spun to me with a fierceness that made me wish to flee if not for Ellie sitting silently in the ring of flame as she watched us with an unreadable expression, her eyes squinted strangely. Instead I blankly met Raphael's gaze as she spoke, her face distorted into rage.

"Compassion for them turns you into a delusional rebel who seeks only to defy God and deny him the destiny that he has laid out for each and every one of us."

"This was inevitable, Raphael," Gabriel called gently from across the hangar. "If only you could find a way to compromise there wouldn't be any of this death for anyone."

Raphael turned to face the other archangel again shaking her head in disbelief. "Compromise? For what?" She gestured to Ellie with a violent lash of her hand. "For the lives of these filthy, disgraceful creatures who seek only for themselves instead of the greater good? It has been our father's plan for millenniums, Gabriel, that Lucifer and Michael shall fight for the Earth and for those who choose the righteous path." She stalked closer to the ring of Holy Fire as she spoke, glancing between myself and Gabriel. "I plan to honor my father's wishes, and anyone who tries to stop me shall fall. Whether it be puny, insolent brats like you," she snarled in my direction before again turning to our golden winged brother, "or man worshipping, cowards such as you."

She stopped just in front of the ring of fire, the soft glow of it making her appear dark and sinister. Behind her, Ellie stood weakly, staring at the ground with her arms around herself. I still couldn't read her expression, though to me she seemed exhausted. I hadn't seen her stand, but her knees appeared to be shaking and I wondered why she didn't continue to sit.

"Now," Raphael spoke in a tone that could have lit a match, and I glanced around the hangar to see every angel staring at her in full attention, "Castiel, it is time for you to make your decision."

I opened my mouth to speak in objection, but Gabriel's voice came first, suddenly holding his normal mischievousness, and I snapped my mouth shut curiously. "I don't think he's going to have to make one."

Raphael glowered, one eyebrow risen in irritation. "What," she breathed out exasperatedly. "do you expect to do otherwise? If we fight again, I'm not leaving it to myself. I just lost an archangel, Gabriel. If any more of us have to die, I will have these and every other angel in my garrison down here to make sure I'm not the next."

Gabriel was shaking his head with an undeniable smirk on his face, and I looked to him with incredulous wide eyes as he answered her. "Oh, not us, babe," he said, raising his hand to gesture to the ring of fire. "Her."

Raphael peered at our brother questioningly, her head tilted slightly, before turning to look behind her. The moment Raphael turned her shoulders, Ellie's head snapped up, blue eyes to the archangel's, and her hand came up like lightning, backhanding Raphael hard across the face.

Raphael appeared as if she'd been kicked by War's horse, stumbling forward holding her hand to her cheek, her eyes wide in shock. I stared in disbelief at the scene, watching Ellie who was still standing in the ring of Holy Fire, glaring ferociously at Raphael from under her mess of brown hair. Her eyes capture my attention mystically, ice blue reflecting the light of the fire around her.

Around me, murmurs of shock went up through the angels, and Raphael turned viciously back to the ring of flame. "You'll pay for that, fallen one," she growled menacingly.

A flicker of a smile ghosted across Ellie's face as she spoke, sending chills down my spine at her smooth, American accent. "I doubt that, sister."

"This game is over," Raphael scowled and made a motion with her head. "Take them."

Immediately, the hangar again exploded into movement.

I shouted for Ellie as angels raced to the ring of Holy Fire, but was cut off as someone grabbed me from behind, jerking me back by the collar of my jacket. Reaching with my grace to call my sword, I faltered as I remembered kicking it away to deny fighting Sariel. Instead, I felt my grace pulse through me as my palms began to glow. I turned on my attacker, igniting their vessel in white fire. As they screamed in shock, I spun as another of my brothers came at me from the side, doing the same to them.

Through the chaos, I saw Gabriel easily fighting off more of Raphael's soldiers in the same fashion, lazily vanishing two and three of them at a time. A flash of silver showed me that his sword was still held in his hand and that he had it held flush behind his back so not to kill anyone. I glanced around again as I expelled another angel, noticing Raphael glaring me down with fury, moving towards me slowly as she allowed her soldiers to be removed first. A flash behind her caught my attention, and I stopped, looking to the ring of flame behind her. My eyes landed on Ellie and I froze.

Standing at the edge of the circle of Holy Fire, I caught her grabbing the collar of an angel in front of her, pulling him violently over the edge of the flames. The soldier screamed as his grace exploded from inside of him, sending his wings up into white flames, and burning his vessel into a charred, black mass. The coals that were left of his body fell to the ground, and the remainder of his essence leaked from them into the air where they dispersed.

Ellie reached out with a foot and kicked at the coals, sliding the silver sword that had fallen among them into the circle, and snatched it up in her hand. Her blue eyes flashed to the other angels near the circle challengingly. One of them leaped at her, reaching out to grab her shoulder and pull her out from the flames, but she twisted, stepping back to the center as she grabbed at his arm. As the angel's wings went up in white fire, Ellie's eyes found mine for a short instant.

Right then, I realized what was happening.

She met my gaze for less than a second before turning away and pulling up her sleeve, running the edge of the angel's blade over her wrist. Before I could fathom what she was doing, she'd dropped to her knees and was dipping her fingers in the blood running from her hand before scribbling with it on the cement.

Not moments later her head snapped back up and her eyes locked with mine. From across the hangar, I was able to clearly read the message in them.

_Run. _

My wings burst out from behind me, and I willed myself as far from the warehouse as possible. Hovering above the city I watched the building as a blaze of light was expelled through the windows at the top of the hangar, and numerous cries of agony reached my ears, audible only for a second before they they were all cut off.

The warehouse was suddenly dark once again and nothing came of it, sound nor movement. I hesitated, glancing around the night sky and saw nothing of concern. If Ellie had drawn the sigil correctly, all of the angels within a good distance of it would have been banished from the area. Cautiously I drifted closer.

Hearing and seeing nothing kept me calm, though I was still wary. Hopefully none of the others had realized what she was about to do and made their own escape. With that thought I found myself back in the warehouse, standing in the center of the now vacant room, save for a girl standing in the center of a circle of fire.

She hung her head tiredly, the angel's sword laying at her feet. A trail of blood was leaking from her wrist and dripping steadily from her fingers to the cement floor. I couldn't see her eyes.

Carefully, I walked closer, moving to the ring of flame that was still burning faithfully. Her breathing was heavy though controlled and I noticed her shaking a bit as I got closer. When I could feel the warmth of the fire I stopped and tilted my head in attempt to see her face, and spoke gently. "Ellie?"

The eyes that rose to meet mine were not of the soft brown that I was used to, but still blazed an icy blue beneath messy, mousy brown locks.

"Not exactly, featherbrain," came quiet, weak reply, all traces of an English accent gone from her voice.

I stared in awe, my breath ceasing as her gaze met mine and a small grin tugged at the corners of her mouth. When I was able to breath again, my voice was rough when I spoke her name. "Aristel."

She stood up a little straighter but her shaking worsened. "It's good to see you again, Castiel."

I shook my head in disbelief, my mind a whirl of possibility and logic. "I don't understand. How is this possible?"

She gave a small shrug and shook her head. "It's complicated. Most of it is because of you."

I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes, waiting for her to continue. She idly pulled her bottom lip through her teeth and shifted her weight to her other leg. "I've been inside her for a very long time," she managed. "I think I've always been here, really. I don't think I can explain it." Her voice wavered and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her hand trembling. "Cas, you have to get Ellie out of here."

I blinked rapidly, trying to put things together in my mind, trying to make sense of anything. "I don't understand, how could you possibly be-"

"Cas, please, you have to get Ellie out of here. You have to take her someplace safe and hide her. Raphael will be back with more soldiers if you don't. You have to save her."

"But, Aristel, how-"

She stepped forward impatiently, moving closer to the edge of circle of fire. "Never mind that! If you don't get us out of here they'll take me away and you'll lose Ellie forever, understand? If my grace is returned to me, she'll never be the same person she is now, it will just be me. Get it?"

I blinked, nodding as I still stared at her in shock. "Yes. Alright."

A weak smile came over her features again. "Thank you." She stepped forward a bit more, her trembling becoming more violent. "I need to go. I don't have anymore time. Take care of her, Cas."

I shook my head, stepping closer to her, holding out my hand. "Aris, what do you mean? You're going to fall, take my hand."

She shook her head and put her arms around herself, and when she spoke, her voice trembled with her. "I can't explain. I'm sorry." She smiled weakly. "Cas? It really was good to see you again."

Her body jerked a bit and her eyes went distant, seeing through me though I was right before her. I watched in awe as the blue of her eyes dimmed and vanished, leaving behind Ellie's chocolatey brown that I'd known from before. Her body wavered, and I reached out, holding onto her shoulder to steady her. "Aris?"

Her blank eyes slipped shut with a sigh, and her body suddenly went limp, dead weight falling over me. I let out a gasp and put my arms under hers as she passed out and dragged her the rest of the way out of the ring of flames, making sure she wasn't burned.

Laying her head in my lap, I brushed her hair out of her face and immediately took her hand in mine, healing the cut on her wrist, and the carving on her shoulder. "Aris," I said gently. "Aristel, wake up." I paused when she didn't respond to me, a thought occurring to me. "Ellie?"

"She's out cold."

I jumped and turned to the side door of the hangar where the street light was streaming in. Gabriel leaned casually in the frame, his hands in his pockets. "Probably for the best too. Ya know, just for the moment."

I said nothing but turned back to the girl in my arms, brushing my thumb over her cheek.

There was a rush of air and I felt someone standing close behind me.

"Huh. So she really did pull out her grace."

"What are you talking about?"

He snorted at my question before answering me. "A few years after I left it reached me that two angels had fallen, but not just by disobedience. Heard they full on pulled out their grace and just let it go somewhere. I didn't think it was possible until now though, I'd just thought it was some rumor through the demigods."

I gazed down at Ellie softly, running a hand through her hair. "Yes," I murmured. "It's possible."

Gabriel walked around to stand in front of me and crouched down on the balls of his feet. "Aristel was always pretty arrogant," he said. "I remember hearing about her shenanigans all the time. She never did want to follow the rules. Got to admit though, she was always really smart. I couldn't see her reasoning back then, but now is different."

I shifted and lifted Ellie further into my arms. "I've got to get out of here. I need to take her someplace where she'll be safe, where Raphael can't find her. Sam and Dean could-"

"I think the last place you want to be taking her is to Dumb and Dumber, lil bro. They have a lot on their plate anyway, and frankly, they aren't the most inconspicuous people around."

My shoulders dropped at his words and I stared down at Ellie's tranquil face. "What else can I do?"

My brother shrugged. "Honestly, I don't think you need to fret about it too much. Raphael isn't going to be looking for her."

I looked up to him incredulously. "How can you say that when she already proved that she's of use to her. She could easily take her again and use her against me in the same fashion, and this time she'd probably just take her to Heaven after capturing me by force."

Gabriel shook his head with a snarky laugh. "That SOB won't find her of any use anymore. Not as long as she doesn't have this." He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out the small, glowing vile that Raphael had produced earlier.

I stared at it, speaking barely above a whisper. "Aristel's grace."

He nodded. "Yup, and you might want to hang onto this, too. Raphael knows that without it, if she took Ellie again it'd just piss you off even more, and all she'd be able to do is kill her. Which would be kinda redundant if you think about it. Keep it safe." He held the bottle out to me.

I took it hesitantly, rolling the clouded crystal in my fingers and feeling the warmth of the white glow inside. "Thank you, brother," I said quietly, putting it in the inside pocket of my jacket and being certain to button it closed.

Gabriel shrugged again crunched down loudly on a piece of hard candy he'd apparently been sucking on. "Hey, anything that will keep her from doing lame ass stuff like kidnapping cute, nerdy chicks. By the way, nice choice. The split personality might be an issue though."

"Split personality?" I looked at him in confusion.

He stood up and put his hands back in his pockets, and when he spoke, his voice had lost a bit of it's liveliness. "Yeah. Who knew that was the price of falling so hard?"

I shook my head as I looked back down to Ellie, "I don't understand."

My brother sighed and kicked at a metal washer laying in the dust, sending it skidding across the cement floor. "Well, as she said, it's mostly because of you. Unfortunate, but hey, no one knew. I'm guessing that when Aris fell and became human, her angelic memories just stayed with her, dormant in her mind. None of them started surfacing until you showed up in her life."

"Why me," I asked.

"Let me guess, she could feel it when you were around, right?"

I nodded in reply.

"Well, apparently you can't expect to hang around old partners without their essence sensing you, causing old memories to surface, and for those locked memories to take on the personality they are accustomed to." His eyes slipped down to the girl in my arms. "Ellie's mind couldn't remember you because her body didn't go through those memories with her. Just her soul, and Aristel took a form of her own. Unfortunately, she's just stuck in the same body as your girl."

I nodded slightly as I took in the information, a pit appearing in my stomach. "So, they're trapped like this."

Gabriel nodded. "Yup. Aristel only appeared when the other angels were around, so at least your Ellie is the one in control. Well, for now."

My eyes snapped back up to his. "What do you mean 'for now?'"

He shrugged with a sad shake of his head. "Now that she's made her way out, who knows how often she'll be able to take over. The essence inside her isn't human. At some point she may even surface fully and Ellie will be lost." He met my eyes evenly. "I'm sorry, Cas."

I'm sure I was gazing at him in trepidation. A feeling of horror and loss had welled up inside me, and my grip had tightened on Ellie's hand. "How can I stop it?"

The other archangel looked surprised, and his eyes scanned the floor. "I dunno. One of us would be able to stop it if it were some normal type of schizophrenia, but this sort of thing? We'd only be able to put it off temporarily. Something like this would need the power of God." He let out a sigh and shook his head. "The only thing I can think of would be for you to wipe her mind."

Once again, I felt a lump rising in my throat, and I thought furiously. I couldn't lose her. Not after everything. Our time in Heaven, watching her grow throughout her human life, protecting her from the beginning of this pitiful war… Tentatively, I reached out to run a hand through her hair again, before putting an arm under her legs, and my other around her shoulders. I lifted her up gently, letting her head rest against my neck.

I looked to Gabriel who put his hands back in his pockets. "I'll find a way to help her," I stated evenly. "Even if it does mean obtaining the power of God."

"Cas, don't be stupid," my brother groaned. "Haven't you done enough crazy stuff in your time? Rebellion against Heaven, war in Heaven, now what? Ruling Heaven? You need to stop with this insanity."

"None of this has been about Heaven, Gabriel," I replied darkly. "It's been about them, just as it's always been. You should understand that."

He scoffed and threw his hands up. "Sure, I can understand it, but c'mon, man. You're off your rocker. You think the things you do stays between you and yourself? I mean, look at how you killed Sariel. You and I both know you shouldn't have that kind of raw power. Rebellion is one thing, but what about working with demons, huh? How much more reckless is it going to get?"

I glared at him harshly over Ellie's hair. "How did you know about that?"

"He's a demon, Cas. You think he gives a flying rat's ass about you or any of your 'secrets?' You'd better be thankful it's me that found out and not Raphael."

"Listen to me," I growled, moving up to him in a couple of strides, holding Elizabeth tightly. "I have reason to believe that I have a purpose that has yet to be fulfilled. I have friends on this little planet, and I'll do everything I can to protect them. Not you, not Raphael, not anyone will stop me from keeping them safe. I will help her no matter what the cost. Just like I'll protect Sam and Dean even if it means tearing time apart."

Gabriel gazed at me through hooded eyes, his expression morose and calm. Shaking his head he let out a small sigh. "You poor kid." He turned away from me, walking towards the door of the warehouse, golden wings unfurling as he neared the door. "I wish you the best, Cas," he called over his shoulder. "I just hope you don't kill yourself in the process." He stopped in the open doorway, turning back to gaze at me sorrowfully. "See ya around, lil bro."

There was a flutter as he opened his massive wings and vanished into the darkness.

* * *

><p><em>To be continued. Feedback is greatly appreciated!<em>


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